


The Pains of Growing Up

by RedOctoberRose



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, Love Triangles, M/M, Romance, heads up later chapters have suicide mention/self harm, it started out as a ficlet how did it end up like this, prepare yourselves novel length incomplete story coming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 04:06:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5482697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedOctoberRose/pseuds/RedOctoberRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After University, Haruka comes to live with the Tachibana family. He finds himself spending a lot of time with the twins; Ran is happy and adoring as always, but Ren seems to be nervous about something. Makoto ends up learning the truth and struggles to keep everyone's secrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Home, Haru-chan!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm slowly working on bringing my fic from ff.net over to ao3, revising as I go. This one has over 40k words on ff.net, so if you end up needing to know what happens, my username is the same there as it is here. The plan is to wrap this sucker up after I finish the revisions and remember where the heck I left off. This first chapter was originally written 8/26/13.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka returns to Iwatobi after graduating university and comes to live with the Tachibana family.

Closing his eyes, Haruka rested the back of his head against the window of the train. It had been a long four years of university and he was finally returning home. Well, sort of. Since he wasn't going to be using it for so long, his parents had decided to sell the family home rather than let it sit vacant, but the Tachibana family, who treated him like their own, kindly offered to let him live with them while he found an apartment for himself. Makoto would be returning home, too, until he found a place (likely with Haruka, since rent would be cheaper that way).

The train screeched to a halt, allowing passengers on and off, though Haruka remained seated, his eyes not even twitching open as people bumped his legs while scurrying past. This was the last stop before Iwatobi. Haruka remembered when he and Makoto had left, how Nagisa, Rei, Gou, and all of Makoto's family had been there to see them off. By the time he and Makoto had passed this point going away from Iwatobi, Nagisa was already texting them about how much he missed them. Back then it had been annoying, but now he wondered how they were all doing, each off to study their own things, and wished he'd not dropped his phone in the water, losing all of his contacts. He should remember to get them from Makoto later, he decided, after they'd had a chance to settle back in.

There was one person who had not seen them off that day. Rin had also left around that time, and while he could have made it out to say goodbye, Haruka didn't feel slighted by his absence. He'd already said his goodbyes with Rin weeks before, when they broke up. Ever since Rin had reappeared in Haruka's life their relationship had been rocky, but through apologies, tears, and strong desires they had managed to form a slightly more stable bond. It lasted for about a year before their differences began to tear them apart again, but it was a year that neither would change for anything, and the break-up had been a mutual decision. Sometimes Haruka missed having Rin beside him but he knew it was best for both of them to be apart now.

When the train reached Iwatobi, Haruka rose, grabbing his suitcase from overhead. The rest of his belongings from school had been sent ahead of him and he only had the bare essentials with him in the suitcase. Stepping out onto the platform, Haruka looked around at the familiar sight, his eyes seeking out anyone he might recognize.

“Haru-chan!!” A loud voice called from somewhere in front of him. Haruka looked past the businessman who had just stepped into his line of sight and saw two kids in high school uniforms waving him down. The kids ran up to him and the girl, her hair in pigtails, latched onto his arm. “Haru-chan!” She called again happily.

“Ran?” Haruka mumbled, surprised. The girl smiled up at him. Haruka noticed the boy, who had not clung to him as affectionately as his sister, and for a moment thought he was looking at a younger Makoto, save for his brown eyes and differently styled hair. “And Ren, too.” Upon hearing his name the boy smiled, and Haruka thought he saw some pink on his cheeks.

“Welcome home, Haru-chan!” Ran beamed. “Mom told us when you'd be coming so Ren and I came straight over after school to meet you here!” She gave his arm a tight squeeze before leading him away from the train. Ren fell into step beside his sister and the trio walked together to the Tachibana home.

“What time will Onii-chan be coming?” Ran queried as they approached the shrine steps.

“I don't know,” Haruka responded plainly. “He still had some things to do and he didn't know how long it would take. I don't think he'll be more than a day, though.” Ren and Ran both brightened at the thought of having their brother home within the next day. They had hoped he would be coming with Haruka but when some things came up he had to call and say he was coming late. Haruka had offered to stay with him but Makoto sent him away, saying that he would be fine on his own.

“Haruka-san,” Ren started nervously. Haruka stopped and gave the boy a curious look. “Um...”

“What's with that?” Haruka asked, his voice flat, though inside he was a little hurt.

“Well, I thought it would be weird to call an adult '-chan', so...” Ren shrank back a little. He seemed to be on edge for some reason, and even the distant Haruka had noticed.

“Then call me Haru.” Haruka stepped so that he was now between the twins and put his arms over their shoulders. Ren wasn't much shorter than he was now, but Ran was at least a foot shorter, probably more. “I don't want to hear you calling me '-san'. We're practically related.”

“Y-yeah...” Ren turned his head away from Haruka. Ran looked over at him and giggled, a knowing look in her eyes.

“Well, I'll still call you Haru-chan!” She said cheerily. Haruka's lips turned up in the corners and he sighed. He had long ago resigned to being called '-chan' by this family, and while he once resented it, he now thought it was almost cute. Especially the way Ran said it, so happily through her cheerful smile. Even though he'd been back to visit during holidays, it still took Haruka by surprise just how much the twins had changed over the years. Ren was growing taller every time he saw him and Ran was beginning to fill out into a lovely young woman. It was especially noticeable when she squeezed Haruka's arm against her chest; he was used to being held onto by a kid, but now there were suddenly breasts there.

Haruka cleared his mind; if Makoto knew he had just thought about his sister's chest he would kill him. Besides, they had already reached the door which Ran was enthusiastically shoving open with a loud cry of, “Haru-chan's home!” She led the way inside, followed by Haruka, with Ren falling in behind them and closing the door.

“Haruka!” Came the voice of the Tachibana siblings' mother. She came swiftly out to greet him, taking his face in her hands and smiling with a motherly love. “You look well; I'm glad. In honor of your homecoming I'm making mackerel for dinner.” Haruka's eyes sparkled; they really were like family.


	2. Speaking of Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka and the twins watch a horror movie, and Ren has a talk with his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The worst part about revising this is finding that I forgot commas were a thing for a while. Anyway, here's chapter two.

After a pleasant dinner full of questions about school, life, and Makoto, Haruka was dragged away by the twins to watch a horror movie. “We've been saving this to watch with you, Haru-chan!” Ran exclaimed. “It's too scary to watch alone, and Onii-chan is no good with scary stuff, so it's best to watch this now since he's not here, right?” It was true that Makoto didn't handle scary things very well; haunted houses, ghost stories, scary movies- all of these were things Makoto would rather avoid. Haruka knew Ren shared similar fears but he had always thought Ran enjoyed such things. He figured it was just an excuse to watch something together and complied willingly with the request. After all, horror movies didn't affect him any more than any other movie.

“Haru!” Ren called. Ran had already turned on the TV and had the title screen up and was waving for Haruka to come sit with them. Haruka made himself comfortable between the two siblings, both of whom quickly took hold of his arms and leaned against him the instant the movie started. By the time the first brutal murder had occurred on screen, Ren was clinging tightly and hiding his face in Haruka's shoulder.

“If you're that scared you don't have to watch it,” Haruka told him. Ren looked back at the screen defiantly.

“I'm fine!” His voice cracked; the mutilated body had just been discovered by the rest of the characters. “I-I want to watch the movie with Haru-cha- I mean, Haru.” 

Haruka sighed and glanced over at Ran. She was watching the movie intently, her hold on his arm much more relaxed. As he had suspected, she wasn't really afraid of the movie at all.

By the time the credits rolled, Ren had completely given up looking at the movie and had buried his face against Haruka. He had squeaked and jumped all through the climax and Haruka had to wonder why he put himself through this if he didn't like the movie so much. Ran, on the other hand, had become fully involved and was shouting things at the characters. “Don't open the door!”, “Ooh, look at the blood spatter from that one!” and things like that.

When the after-the-credits scene that hinted at a sequel had ended, Ran scurried off to draw a bath, but not before sneaking around to whisper something frightful into her brother's ear, causing him to jump and cling to Haruka again. “That's not funny, Ran!” He cried, releasing Hauka. Haruka let a smile cross his lips; they may have grown bigger but they were still the same Ren and Ran. “Sorry...” Ren apologized.

“What for?” Haruka asked. He hadn't minded that Ren had been so clingy during the movie; he was used to it from when they were kids. Ren used to sit on his lap, and Ran on Makoto's, whenever he was over to play video games or watch a movie. If ever they convinced Makoto to watch a horror movie he was certain to have all three clinging to him by the end.

“Suddenly jumping on you like that,” Ren replied sheepishly. Haruka just shrugged. Ren fidgeted awkwardly, not making eye contact or attempting to converse. 

Haruka's phone beeped from within his pocket and he pulled it out to read the text. “Makoto will be coming at one o'clock tomorrow,” he informed him. Ren smiled; the topic of his brother was certainly something he would be able to talk about.

“I can't wait!” He exclaimed. “I wish I didn't have to be in school all day so Ran and I could meet him like we did for you.” Ren hesitated for a moment, then pulled Haruka in for a tight hug. Haruka was surprised by the action until Ren started speaking again. “Give this to Onii-chan for me, will you?”

“Right,” Haruka replied. Ren let go of him, gave him a smile, and then pulled him in for another hug. “You know, it's not that long until you can hug him like this yourself...”

“This one is for you, Haru.” Ren blushed. “I didn't give you a proper greeting earlier, and that was rude of me. I mean, after all, I've known you for as long as I can remember.” He chuckled a bit.

“Heeey!” Ran called, running over to them in her pajamas, her wet hair clinging to her face. “No fair, I wanna hug Haru-chan too!” She immediately grabbed Haruka by the waist and squeezed tight, her hair soaking his shirt. When she pulled away she blushed. “Oops, sorry...”

“It's alright, I think I'll bathe next and go to bed,” Haruka decided, looking down at the wet mark. He decided to concentrate on that rather than how cute Ran was in her night clothes. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight!” The twins replied in unison.

After everyone had cleaned up and gone their separate ways for bed, Haruka took a moment to look around him. He was in Makoto's old room, but it seemed Ren had been sleeping in there while Makoto was away. Ren was temporarily placed back with his sister until Haruka and Makoto moved out again, but some of his things were still left behind among Makoto's. Something tempted Haruka to snoop through some of the notebooks and boxes but he resisted, instead opening a box of his own things and retrieving a book to read himself to sleep with.

Ren felt strange to share a room with Ran again but it was Ran who seemed the most irritated by the situation. “Who are you texting all night?” Ren grumbled from his bed. The light on Ran's phone was blinding in the otherwise complete darkness.

“None of your business,” Ran replied firmly. She rolled over so that the light wasn't as bright for her brother and continued to click away at the buttons on her phone.

“You got a boyfriend or something I should know about?” Ren teased. He was being somewhat serious but in the past Ran had never hidden her relationships from him so he didn't expect that was it. Not unless it was someone she knew he would disapprove of.

“None of your business,” Ran repeated. She clapped her phone shut and turned to face him. “Say, speaking of boyfriends.” Her tone turned teasing; Ren knew what was coming and immediately rolled over, pulling his pillow over his head.

“Don't go there, Ran,” he warned. He heard the muffled sounds of Ran climbing out of bed and coming over to him. She pulled the pillow away and gave her twin a concerned look.

“It couldn't be that you still..?” She asked. Ren blushed. Without answering, he swiped his pillow back from her and committed to ignoring her until she went back to her own bed and started texting again. It could be and it was; as much as he'd pushed the thought away, as soon as he'd seen Haruka again, he felt the familiar pangs return. What had started out as a little kid's innocent crush developed and grew with him until he was unable to see anyone else as a potential partner.

It wasn't that he hadn't tried being with someone else; he'd had a few girls show interest in him, and he'd even gone out with a couple of them, but he could never seem to take his mind off of Haruka. He didn't even consider himself gay, really. He considered himself interested in Haruka and thought he would have fallen for him whether Haruka had been a boy or a girl.

Ren's stomach lurched; Ran was the only one who knew about his feelings for Haruka and lately she'd been even worse about teasing him. Knowing that he was still fixated on Haruka surely meant she'd tease him in that area as well and he feared Haruka might find out, which was something Ren wanted to avoid at all costs. He knew Haruka considered him to be like a brother and he didn't want to face the heartache of being told so as a rejection. For now, he just wanted to spend time with Haruka and see if he could generate a little interest without having to tell him how he really felt.

After a moment of silence from Ran's side of the room, Ren rolled over to face her general direction. “Ran?” He whispered. He heard her move around and make a grunting sound. “You still awake?”

“What is it?” She yawned irritably.

“The thing about Haru... That's between you and me, got it?” He sounded a little pleading.

“Right,” Ran mumbled.

“I'm being serious!” Ren exclaimed. “No teasing, please! Don't say a word!”

“I get it, I get it!” Ran hissed. Then she sighed. “Hey, you really like him that seriously?” Her tone was genuine.

“...Yeah,” Ren replied despondently. 

Ran was quiet for a moment. “Alright then,” she said finally. “I promise not to tease you about it, or tell Haru-chan, or do anything to interfere.”

“Thanks,” Ren replied, relieved. Now if only his heart would stop racing and his mind would stop going to the feeling of hugging Haruka he might be able to get some sleep. With a resigned sigh he let his thoughts wander; Haruka's smell, his tight muscles beneath his t-shirt, the warm way he said Ren's name... all of these things sent Ren's head spinning and when he finally did sleep, Haruka haunted him in his dreams, standing in pure white nothingness, never moving nor looking at him as Ren chased after him, running as hard as he could but never coming closer. When Ren was woken by the alarm he was panting in a cold sweat.

“Are you okay?” Ran asked, standing up to smash down the 'off' button on the alarm clock situated on a small table between the two beds. Ren gulped in air and nodded.

“It was just a dream,” he breathed. He and Ran got dressed in silence, their backs to each other, until finally Ran marched past him to the mirror to check her bow and set her pigtails. Ren hung his tie around his neck but didn't tie it yet; he hated the constricting feeling of it and refused to tie it until he absolutely had to.

Haruka was sitting at the table with his breakfast already. He had decided to reheat some of the leftover mackerel from the night before rather than trouble his 'other mother' to cook for him. When Ran came out of her room, she gleefully took the seat across from Haruka, her blue-green eyes meeting his cobalt ones. “Good morning, Haru-chan!” She smiled.

“Morning,” Haruka returned, quickly glancing away. Somehow she looked even cuter when her eyes still had traces of sleep in them, not quite fully focused but still reflecting brightly. When she yawned and rubbed her eyes Haruka was reminded of when she was little and he would help Makoto put the kids to bed. She always argued that she wasn't sleepy but the instant she was tucked in, her eyes would droop and she'd forfeit to them with a yawn.

Ren came out and sat beside his sister. “Did you sleep well, Haru?” He asked sleepily. Haruka nodded; his mouth was full, preventing him from responding audibly or asking the same in return, though he could tell from the dark circles under his eyes that Ren hadn't had a very restful night. Haruka swallowed then gestured to Ren's tie.

“Don't you know how to tie it?” He asked. Ran giggled at her brother, who quickly fidgeted with the tie, making a rather poor attempt to fix it up. It was crooked and lazy, but Ren was already frustrated with it and he quickly gave up. He hated ties and liked to wait until he was almost at school to tie it, but if Haruka wanted it tied, he'd tie it at home, but only because it was Haruka saying it.

Ren suddenly found Haruka rising from his seat and stepping around the table to stand beside him. He motioned for Ren to stand, which he did, and Haruka untied the messy knot, carefully and slowly tying it properly so Ren could see each step. Ren's face flushed; Haruka was so close to him, his hands so close to his chest. When Haruka pulled the knot tight against his shirt collar, Ren had to suppress a gasp, thinking to himself how he might not hate to wear this stupid thing so much if Haruka would tie it for him every morning.

After breakfast the twins left for school and their father for work, their mother getting ready to leave as well to do some shopping. She had the day off today and wanted to leave in enough time to be back for her son's arrival. This meant Haruka was the only one left in the house and he didn't quite know what to do with himself. He thought, perhaps, a walk along the beach might pass the time until Makoto arrived, so he promptly locked up the house and left. It was too cold out to swim; just a little while longer and he could, but not yet, as he was reminded by a cool breeze wafting up the stairs as he was descending. He stopped mid-flight to give attention to a mewling old cat sunning itself on one of the steps. He recognized it as one of the strays he used to feed during high school and scratched under its chin affectionately. He wondered if anyone was feeding it while he and Makoto were away and decided he would stop at the store on his way back to buy some food for it.


	3. Makoto's Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto finally makes it home, and he and Haruka take the twins out to celebrate.

At five of one Haruka found himself standing alone on the train platform with Makoto's mother. They could hear the tracks rumble as the train came into sight. After coming to a stop, the doors opened, and Makoto was the first to step out, smiling brightly at the sight of them. After he had a chance to come over and greet them, Haruka grabbed him and gave him a tight hug.

“H-Haru..?” Makoto questioned.

“This is from Ren,” Haruka replied, pulling away.

“Ah, I see.” Makoto smiled. “I hope those two haven't been too much trouble for you.” He could tell by looking at Haruka that he'd been fine, but he knew how much his siblings loved Haruka and how much Haruka liked having alone time.

Makoto sat and talked with his mother for a long time after they got back. Haruka stayed for a little while but eventually he grew tired of it and located the can of cat food he'd bought earlier and went outside to find the old feline. It was close to time for the twins to be returning from school and Haruka knew they would bring with them a whole new slew of questions for their brother. He wondered if it might not be a bad time for a bath, after he fed the kitty. Opening the can immediately drew out the happy stray and he patted its head while it greedily chowed down on the tuna flavored offering.

Sure enough, no more than two minutes after climbing into the tub, Haruka could hear the excited cries of Ren and Ran as they tackled their brother with hugs and loud “I missed you!”s. He sank his head below the surface to escape the noise; even though he had grown accustomed to living with Makoto, Makoto was generally quiet and it wasn't terribly different from living alone. Now, with such excitable kids around, it was hard to relax. Not that he didn't care for them, he was just easily worn out by them.

Over dinner, Makoto talked about the same things Haruka had on his first night back, only with much more detail and depth. His mother, who had heard it all earlier, didn't seem to mind the repetition. When Makoto commented on Haruka's habit of making mackerel every day, Haruka glanced up from his plate and gave him a look. Makoto knew this look and he apologized for teasing him, but Ran thought it was hysterical and told him through her laughter how they'd had mackerel the night before in celebration of Haruka's return. Haruka didn't understand why it was so funny, but Makoto chuckled along too, and even Ren laughed a little.

After dinner was over there was a little more conversation before Makoto decided to turn in early, saying his good nights to his siblings and to Haruka, who had opted to stay up a little longer with them. They weren't doing anything particularly interesting; Ran was on her phone texting non-stop, and Ren was watching the new episode of some series Haruka had never heard of before. When the show was over, the twins left for their room, and Haruka flipped through the stations until he found a news program. It seemed there was a line of thunderstorms approaching the area; nothing too serious, but he was glad everyone was inside for the night.

A short while later, a crash of thunder above the Tachibana home caused the windows to rattle and a now wide-awake Ren jumped from his bed. The thunder had only been a distant rumble when he and Ran had gone to bed but as it came closer he found it harder to ignore and eventually gave up on sleep entirely. His problem now was trying not to climb into bed with someone else. He knew Ran would be no comfort; his mind kept wandering across the hall to his older brother's room. Makoto had always been welcoming to him when he was smaller and got scared, but now that he was nearly full grown, he was ashamed to think that he was still not over this fear.

“Ren?” Ran called softly from her bed.

“Y-you're awake?” Ren asked shyly.

“That last boom woke me up,” Ran replied. “You okay?” Crack! Boom! A bolt of lightning struck ground nearby.

“Not really,” Ren cried. He could see Ran getting up from her bed, silhouetted by the flashes of light coming from the window.

“Wanna go see if Onii-chan is awake?” She asked, standing beside his bed. Ren sat up and nodded. He took his pillow and blanket and followed his sister to their older brother's room. Just outside the door, he gulped. What would Haruka think? When Ran opened the door, he could see Makoto's shape still asleep in his bed, but Haruka, resting on a futon that there was just barely any room for, was awake and had lifted his head to look at them. Without a word he sighed and waved them over.

“Haru-chan,” Ran whispered. “Ren's afraid of the storm.”

“Sh-shut up, Ran!” Ren whispered back furiously.

“What? It's true!” Ran retorted. Ren jabbed her with an elbow and she jabbed him right back. “Haru-chan, can we sleep in here tonight?”

“Both of you?” Haruka asked. Assessing the space, there wasn't enough room for three of them to squeeze onto the one futon. “Are you scared, too, Ran?”

“No!” Ran insisted. “I just don't want to be left out is all.”

“What's going on?” Makoto mumbled from his bed. “Ran? Ren?”

“Onii-chan, can we sleep in here?” Ran asked Makoto.

“I suppose...” Makoto yawned. “If you can find room.”

Ran climbed over Makoto, situating herself between him and the wall, leaving Ren with Haruka. As Ren squeezed in next to Haruka, he was grateful for the darkness concealing his reddened cheeks; Ran had gone to Makoto on purpose, he knew it. He just wasn't sure if she was teasing him or trying to help. Either way, he wasn't thinking about the storm anymore, even as it raged louder than ever above them. All he could think about was his proximity to Haruka and how Haruka had chosen to lay facing him, rather than away from him.

When the twins had opened the door Haruka had known what was wrong. He'd heard the thunder getting louder as he got ready for bed and flashed back to a night during high school when he had been over to play video games with Makoto and it had started to thunder. They had to shut the electronics off and unplug them so Haruka was just going to go home, but Ren had grabbed tight to his wrist, crying, insisting that he wait out the storm there. He was so worried about Haruka going out in the lightning that he refused to let him leave while it was still thundering and Haruka ended up falling asleep on the couch with both twins and Makoto. With this memory fresh in his mind, Haruka drifted off to sleep.

When Haruka woke, Ren was sleeping peacefully beside him, though it appeared Makoto and Ran had already woken up and left. Remembering that it was a weekend and that Ren hadn't slept well the night before last, Haruka decided to let him sleep a while longer. Moving slowly, Haruka reached for a piece of paper and a pencil and decided to pass the time by sketching the sleeping teen. He thought he might wake him if he were to get up and leave and he wasn't in any particular hurry to do anything so he stayed in bed and drew, capturing perfectly the way Ren's hair fell across his forehead, the slight parting of his lips, even down to the curvature of the pillow he was sleeping on.

Just as Haruka was about to flip the paper over and start drawing on the other side, the door opened and Ran poked her head in. “Oh, you're awake,” she whispered. “Is he still sleeping?” She gestured to her brother. “It's getting kinda late.”

“Is it?” Haruka asked. He couldn't see the clock from where he was but the sunlight was looking pretty strong through the curtains now.

“Why don't you wake up Sleeping Beauty over there and come get breakfast?” Ran suggested. “Onii-chan said he'd take us all to get ice cream later.” 

Haruka nodded at her and she left, leaving the door open so Haruka could smell the potent aroma of a home cooked breakfast. His stomach growled beneath the blanket and he gently shook Ren to wake him. “Ren,” he said in a normal tone.

“Mm..?” Ren mumbled, not yet conscious. His eyes slowly began to blink awake and he jumped, startled to find Haruka before him, not remembering yet how he had gotten there. Then he recalled the storm and how Ran had left him with Haruka and he blushed. “Sorry!” He apologized. “Were you waiting for me to wake up?” Haruka shrugged. Ren noticed the drawing and his eyes went wide. “You've been awake long enough to draw that?!” He exclaimed. “Why didn't you wake me? Or go get breakfast or something?”

“It was no big deal,” Haruka replied coolly. 

Ren stared at his graphite likeness in awe. 

“You can have it if you want,” Haruka offered.

“Really?” Ren asked. He blushed. Haruka had stayed with him while he slept and even drawn his face in perfect likeness. He felt honored to have Haruka paying so much attention to him, and only to him. Not him and his sister, not him and Makoto, but just him. “Thank you so much!” Jumping up off the futon, he ran out to show it off to his family, allowing Haruka privacy to get dressed.

Ren stuck his tongue out at his school uniform as he pulled casual clothes from his dresser. “No ties today!” He exclaimed to himself joyfully. Today was a day off from school and he intended to spend it with his big brother. Makoto had offered up his day to his younger siblings so that they could catch up with each other and have some time together before he had to find a job and an apartment. Haruka was going to hang out with them all, too, before he had to go back to the real world and do the same. Ren wished they didn't have to leave; he liked having the house so full of loved ones.

After lunch Makoto made good on his promise and took the group of them- Ren, Ran, and Haruka- out for ice cream. Rather than go to the convenience store where they usually bought ice cream, he thought it would be a nice treat to go to a real ice cream shop, something Ren hadn't done in a long time. They took the train to get there; the reason they usually went to the convenience store was because there were no ice cream parlors in Iwatobi. Ren and Ran bounced excitedly on either side of Makoto as they rode the train. Haruka was seated beside Ran, though she had drawn so close to her brother that there was considerable space between them.

“What flavor are you gonna get?” She asked Makoto.

“Ah, well, I have to see what they have before I decide,” Makoto replied. He was smiling at his sister's enthusiasm.

“What about Haru?” Ren followed up, leaning forward so he could see past his siblings.

“We'll see,” Haruka shrugged. He wasn't feeling particular today.

When they reached the ice cream shop there was a big sign advertising the day's flavors. The four of them stood before it, reading aloud the flavors that sounded best to them, before they finally decided on what they were each getting. Even after receiving their orders they ended up passing their cups around the picnic table so everyone could taste each kind. It was a warmer day than it had been recently and the coldness of the treats felt good as they sat under the sun, the umbrella on their table closed. Ren chuckled when Ran stole another spoonful of ice cream from Haruka; she usually took his food but he intentionally picked a flavor he knew she wouldn't like. Haruka then took some of Makoto's ice cream and suddenly everyone was eating from whatever cup they wanted. When it was all gone, they were all smiling and laughing, even Haruka, who had a melting dribble of ice cream on his nose courtesy of Ran.

They spent some time checking out various stores while they were out. Ren hadn't minded when his sister dragged them all into a frilly store full of dresses and girly things, but he quickly changed his mind and ran for the door when she started holding lacy dresses up to him, teasing him about how good he'd look and encouraging him to try them on. Makoto went after him to keep him company while Haruka stayed with Ran and helped her carry the things she wanted to try on.

“Hey, Haru-chan,” Ran started softly, her eyes on the storefront window making sure her brothers were still outside. Haruka turned his attention from the rack of dresses he'd absentmindedly been staring at and looked to Ran. Her eyes met his sheepishly. “I want to share a secret with you.” She grasped his free hand earnestly, holding it in both of hers. “But you can't tell my brothers! Promise me!”


	4. I Won't Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While out on the town, Ren has a talk with Makoto, while Ran has a talk with Haruka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 14 more chapters to revise and then I'll have to start working on new content. Eep.

Outside of the shop, Ren scuffed his shoe against the sidewalk. “Can you believe her?” He asked. “Trying to get me into a dress. Yeah, right!” 

“She was only teasing,” Makoto soothed. Ren sighed. Makoto watched him sulk in silence for a few minutes before speaking up. “Is something troubling you?”

“Huh?” Ren looked up to meet Makoto's worried green eyes. “Why do you ask that?”

“You look a little distracted,” Makoto took his hand from his pocket and ruffled Ren's hair. “Are you having some kind of girl trouble I should know about?” He teased. 

Ren's face turned red and he looked away. It wasn't girl trouble. When Ran had suggested he try on a dress, he'd been too embarrassed to look at Haruka, but he almost wondered if he would be cute to Haruka if he was a girl.

“It's not that,” Ren finally replied. 

Makoto knew his brother would share his worries when he was ready so he didn't press the issue any further, instead choosing to watch as people came and went in the shop across from them. It was another clothing store but with a different kind of style than the one they were at now. Come to think of it, that store seemed more Ran's style than the frilly store she had brought them to.

Makoto was beginning to wonder if his sister's tastes were changing when Ren slumped his shoulders forward beside him and seemed to be fighting back tears. “Ren..?”

“Onii-chan,” Ren's voice cracked. He fought like hell to keep the tears from forming as a sudden wave of hopelessness wafted over him. “Would it be weird if I fell for someone... older than me?”

“Huh?” Makoto rubbed the back of his neck. Hadn't Ren said it wasn't girl trouble? Maybe he meant woman trouble. “How much older?”

“About your age,” Ren replied. He considered telling Makoto everything and asking for his help. Would he be able to keep it secret from Haruka, though? After all, they were best friends. But Ren was his brother. He wouldn't tell on his brother, would he?

“That is a little old,” Makoto replied carefully. “But people have fallen in love with bigger age gaps than that and turned out fine. If you really care for each other... But you are so young still.” He considered his words and tried to give an honest response without hurting Ren but the truth was, he did think it would be a little weird for a high school freshman to fall for a college graduate.

“Onii-chan,” Ren interrupted Makoto's thoughts. “If I asked you to keep something secret, even secret from Mom, Dad, and Haru, would you?”

“As long as you're not in danger,” Makoto answered honestly. “If it's something serious, I'm not going to stand by and watch you get hurt-”

“It's not like that!” Ren assured him. The urge to cry had subsided and now he only had to fight against the lump in his throat. “Just... promise me you won't tell anyone? Ran knows, but no one else.”

“Pinky promise,” Makoto replied, raising his hand with his little finger sticking out. Ren hooked his pinky with Makoto's and they shook on it. Even if it was a childish way of promising he knew Makoto would never break it.

“It's really hard to say this,” Ren admitted nervously. He thought he might choke before he could get the words out. “But it's really bothering me. I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I need to be able to talk to someone about it, someone who won't tease me for it.” 

Makoto waited anxiously for Ren to continue. 

“Onii-chan, I- I think I'm in love...” He took a deep breath and looked around to make sure no one else was around them. “I think I'm in love with Haru.”

Makoto stared blankly before he was able to process this new information. He knew of the two kids, Ren had usually been the one to cling to Haruka when they were small, and he knew Ren admired Haruka, but to hear him say he was in love with him was rather surprising. He had no idea if Haruka did or ever would share these feelings, but he supposed if that happened he would have no objections. Still, his younger brother and his best friend?

“Onii-chan..?” Ren prompted cautiously. Makoto shook himself from his thoughts.

“You really feel that way?” He asked gently.

Ren nodded. “Yeah. I've liked him since I was little but now that he's back, I realize it's more than just 'liking' him.”

“And you say Ran knows about this?”

“Mhm,” Ren gritted his teeth. “She's known for years, and she promised not to tease me about it, but I'm not so sure I believe her after last night!”

“Eh? What about last night?” Makoto questioned. He thought back to when the twins had come into his room during the storm but nothing about it had seemed to indicate teasing. Of course, he hadn't woken up right away when they came in, either, so he may have missed something.

“When she climbed into your bed and left me with Haru,” Ren clenched his fists. She was always manipulating him and teasing him. He was sick of it! “She did that on purpose, I know it!”

“I'm sure she did,” Makoto agreed. “Wouldn't it have been more awkward for Haru to have Ran sleep beside him?”

“What do you mean?” Ren asked.

“Ran is a grown girl now,” Makoto continued. “Maybe you haven't noticed it since you see her every day, but every time I come home I notice immediately just how much the both of you have grown. Wouldn't it make more sense for Ran to come sleep by me, since I'm her brother?”

“I...” Ren fumbled. “I suppose.” He released his fists in defeat. 

Makoto grasped his shoulder affectionately. “Are you ever going to tell Haru how you feel?”

“How can I?” Ren muttered. “What are the odds he'll like me the same way? And if he doesn't, things between us will always be awkward.”

“Hmm.” Makoto thought about what Ren said. “If you really want to try to win Haru-chan's heart, maybe you should try to spend some one-on-one time with him.”

“Wait- you mean, you're not going to object?” Ren asked in awe.

“I know he's a good person, for my little brother or anyone else,” Makoto smiled. “He is my best friend after all.”

-

Haruka stood before Ran, who held his hand tightly between hers. He felt his heart beat just a little faster and he nodded in response to her plea. “I won't tell.” Ran let go of him and fidgeted for a moment. Haruka wasn't used to seeing her so serious.

“I feel like I can trust you to tell you this,” she said softly. “So please, don't freak out.” 

Haruka looked her in the eye and nodded again. What was she so worried about? And why couldn't Makoto or Ren know? 

“You see, I'm kind of seeing someone right now.” 

Haruka felt time freeze for a moment. He wasn't sure why those words struck him. After all, she was in high school now, it wasn't unusual for a girl her age to be dating. Somehow, he felt a little sad, though. He knew there must be more she was trying to tell him by this so he waited calmly for her to go on. 

“The reason I haven't told anyone is ‘cause this person I'm seeing...” Ran glanced out the window again before leaning in and whispering to Haruka, “is a girl.”

Haruka's eyes went wide for a second before he straightened up. He didn't want Ran, who was trusting him with this sensitive information, to see his shock. It wasn't that he disapproved; rather, he had never thought of Ran, or Ren, for that matter, dating before, much less thought of their possible sexualities. 

Ran dug her phone out of her purse and brought up a picture to show Haruka. “This is her,” she said happily. “Isn't she cute?” 

Haruka blinked at the picture. The girl was small in every way; short, thin, everything about her was tiny. Ran had described her best... she was very much 'cute'. “Ran,” Haruka watched the way she smiled at the picture before putting her phone away. Even though she smiled with her mouth, her eyes seemed to be masking some kind of sadness. “I'm sure Makoto won't judge you for dating a girl.”

“Well, that's...” Ran turned her attention away to mindlessly run her fingers along the lace of one of the dresses beside her. “It's not Onii-chan I'm worried about so much.”

“Ren?” Haruka asked. Ran nodded.

“It might not seem like it but Ren has dated before,” Ran sounded as though she were teasing the boy even in his absence. “Back in middle school, he and my Momoka-chan actually went out for a little while. She was his first girlfriend. Even though it didn't last very long, when we moved up to high school, he seemed pretty relieved not to be in the same class as her.”

“So you think Ren would be mad that you're dating his ex-girlfriend?” Haruka asked, trying to consider the situation.

“Not really mad,” Ran replied. “But it might be a little... weird, y'know? He doesn't even know she's gay. Or that I'm bi, for that matter. And if I tell Onii-chan about it he might bring it up in front of Ren and then I'll have to tell him.” 

Haruka felt something inside him relax at the word 'bi'. Not that it mattered. He was still considerably older than her, they were practically family, and she was already in a relationship. He didn't even know why he was thinking about it.

The bell above the shop door jingled and a slightly nervous, slightly irritated Ren came over to the two, followed closely by Makoto. “Geez, Ran, what's taking you so long?” He demanded.

“Nothing!” Ran winked. “I was just having a little chat with Haru-chan, that's all.” 

Ren's cheeks took on a light pink color. “About what..?” He asked suspiciously. 

Ran smiled, took the clothes Haruka was holding for her, and hid herself in the changing room. 

“Hey!” Ren called after her, his face now a darker shade.

“I'm sure it's fine,” Makoto smiled at his younger brother. Ren sighed and composed himself again.

The remainder of the afternoon passed peacefully. Ran made a couple of purchases in the frilly store and Haruka bought a new shirt in one of the other shops. The group each filled their own bags of candy and then excitedly picked up a new DVD to watch together while they munched their sweets later. This one was not a horror film, though Ran had pitched a couple of frightening titles. Makoto and Ren had both adamantly rejected them immediately, however, and she conceded to an acclaimed action film instead.

While everyone seemed happy enough to be out together, the ride back to Iwatobi fell strangely silent, even to the point of unnerving Haruka. Ren had seated himself beside Makoto as he had on the way out, but Ran had chosen to sit across the car from all of them, tapping away at her cellphone. Haruka knew who she was texting and it made sense to him why she was sitting away from them to do it, but he couldn't help noticing the flicker of surprise and hurt that had manifested itself in Makoto's eyes when she ignored the space he'd made beside himself for her. It didn't help that Ren was also sitting in complete silence; Haruka tried to get a look at him to see if he was just tired, but his head was turned away.

When Haruka managed to catch Ran's eye while she waited for her partner to respond, he gestured with a slight nod of his head for her to come sit between himself and Makoto. Ran's gaze traveled to her older brother and she felt a rush of guilt wash over her as he smiled back. Sending out another quick text, Ran tucked her phone away and stepped across the aisle to sit with her brother. “Sorry, that was rude of me!” She apologized. “You brought us all out here to spend time together.”

“It's fine,” Makoto replied, though Haruka could see a much more relaxed expression on his face now that Ran was beside him. “Is it your boyfriend?” He asked, referring to her frequent texting.

“B-boyfriend?” Ran repeated. She turned around and glanced nervously at Haruka, who gave her a nod of encouragement. Makoto tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Onii-chan, are you going to be all protective over me?”

“Should I be?” Makoto asked suspiciously, glancing past Ran to Haruka, who blushed at the silent accusation and looked away. Haruka could tell Makoto was getting the wrong idea but he wasn't about to say anything. He'd let Ran sort it out. Rather, he hoped Ran would sort it out so he wouldn't have to say anything.

“Ran's had boyfriends before,” Ren piped up. “If she has another one now it probably won't last, just like with the others.”

“Hey!” Ran snapped back. “Not like your relationships have been any better!”

“Hey, hey,” Makoto raised his hands between the two, who had begun to lean over him to glare at each other. “There's no reason to fight.” 

Ran settled back into her seat, turning away from her brothers to face Haruka. “Ren is such a brat,” she mumbled to herself. “Haru-chan, now do you see what I was saying before?”

“You were talking about me to Haru!” Ren exclaimed accusingly. Makoto was very glad they were the only passengers in the car; he would surely be embarrassed by his siblings' behavior.

“Don't get your shorts in a twist,” Ran spat over her shoulder.

“Why you-!”

“Enough,” Haruka spoke the word loud enough to be heard over the twins' bickering. “We're almost at our stop. It would upset your mother to hear you fighting like this.” For the first time Haruka was able to see Ren's face. His eyes began to spill over with tears as he slid back into his seat, turning once again to hide himself from Haruka's view. Makoto tried to speak something comforting to him but Ren brushed him off. Ran moved back across the aisle and sat pouting, returning to her text messages. Haruka sighed. He would have to straighten things out with Makoto himself later. He only hoped he could explain the situation well enough while still keeping Ran's secret. He thought, perhaps, she just might tell Makoto after things had cooled down, but he didn't want to say anything to him about it until she had spoken to him herself. Looking at his friend, Haruka could see that all the joy from earlier was gone, replaced with sadness and confusion.


	5. Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raw emotions are poured out, and Haruka and Makoto are caught in the middle.

The group of tense travelers returned home, dropping their shopping bags on the floor as they changed into their slippers. The answering machine blinked and Makoto played it, his mother's voice coming through to apologize, saying that she was staying late at work and giving them permission to cook or order dinner, whichever they preferred. Ran grabbed her things and shut herself in her room and Ren slouched on the couch to watch something on the TV. Haruka offered to cook for everyone, hoping that maybe if they could all sit down together and talk, they could clear the air and be happy again. Makoto gave his approval before excusing himself to rest in his room. Haruka took up a knife and cutting board and set to work, expertly preparing vegetables and meat, and surprisingly, not mackerel.

“Haru?” Ren asked cautiously, coming into the kitchen for a glass of water. Haruka paused and turned to face him. “It was probably just something silly that Ran's teasing me with, but what were you guys talking about after Makoto and I left?”

Haruka thought for a moment. “I can't tell you,” he replied. There was nothing about the conversation he could talk about, though he would if he could, if only to assure the young man that it wasn't worth worrying over.

“Why not?” Ren pressed, the glass in his hand shaking. He appeared nervous, though Haruka didn't understand why. Could Ren be hiding something that only Ran knew about? And why was he concerned about Ran telling? Sure, Ran liked to tease her brother, but she wouldn't blackmail him.

“I promised,” was Haruka's response.

“Did it have anything to do with me?”

“...” Haruka couldn't answer that, either. While it was a secret about Ran, it did concern Ren, and therefore to answer it would be to give some kind of hint. So Haruka kept silent, waiting for Ren to make the next move.

“She told you, didn't she?” Ren asked, trembling, his free hand clenched in a fist. “For her to hide it from me, she either told you or...” Ren's body froze. He thought back to the fight on the train and the way Ran had looked to Haruka when Makoto questioned her about having a boyfriend. His eyes met Haruka's reluctantly as he asked, “Are you and my sister..?”

“What? N-no!” Haruka exclaimed rather uncharacteristically. His cheeks took on a slight pink color and he turned back to his vegetables. 

Ren noticed his strong reaction but pretended to ignore that for the time being. He would have plenty of time to lament over its meaning later. “So then, she did tell you about me?” 

It was clear to Haruka that Ren wasn't about to drop the subject. “I promised I wouldn't talk about it.” He didn't look up from his work. He wished Ren would ask his sister about this instead.

“Haru, please,” Ren leaned against the counter and forced himself into Haruka's sight. “I'm begging you, I need to know what she said about me!”

“I can't tell you,” Haruka insisted forcefully.

“Please!” Ren cried. Haruka ignored him. Ren stepped back and growled in frustration. “Ran, you told him didn't you?!” Ren shouted to the floor as he grabbed at his head in despair.

“I didn't tell him your stupid secret!” Ran cried from behind the two men. Haruka and Ren turned to face her. Ren stared at her, mouth agape. “When I make a promise I keep it!” Tears were streaming down the young girl's cheeks. She looked as though she'd already been crying. Makoto came out from his room at the sound of all the raised voices and Ran ran back to her room, slamming the door and locking it behind her.

“What's going on?” Makoto asked drowsily. 

Haruka was too stunned to answer him and Ren was beginning to bawl. Ren wanted to grab Makoto and run outside with him, to explain his behavior and cry it out, but he was frozen to the spot. He had begged Haruka to tell him what Ran said, begged him to break his promise, and it wasn't about the one thing he was concerned about anyway.

“Makoto,” Haruka called over Ren's crying. “You should check on Ran.” Makoto nodded and went over to the twins' room, rapping lightly on the door. Haruka looked at Ren, who was shaking as he stood sobbing. Taking the spilling glass from him and setting it safely on the counter, Haruka pulled Ren into an embrace, allowing him to cry into his shoulder.

“I-I'm sorry, Haru-chan,” Ren's muffled apology made Haruka feel a little guilty. He had slipped back into calling him –chan. Whatever it was he was keeping secret seemed to be causing him a lot of pain. Haruka desperately wanted to tell Ren what was going on with Ran, to ease his mind and hopefully his suffering, but he couldn't break his promise.

“It's not worth crying over,” Haruka said calmly. 

Ren let out one last sob before he stopped shaking, but he remained in Haruka's embrace, too embarrassed to look him in the eye and too comfortable to let go. He sniffled and squeezed Haruka tighter, fighting back another round of tears. Ran's secret suddenly seemed unimportant to him. His behavior had been unwarranted and childish and Ren was just glad that Haruka was so forgiving about it.

“Ran won't answer me,” Makoto sighed, returning to the kitchen. Upon seeing the other two he relaxed a little. “Are you okay now, Ren?” Ren finally stepped back from Haruka and nodded to his brother, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “What happened?” Makoto asked Haruka.

“It was a misunderstanding,” Haruka replied. He handed Ren his glass of water and sent him out of the kitchen to recompose himself. Makoto stood by and watched as Haruka went back to preparing dinner. He hoped Ran would come out to eat but he wasn't certain she would. It was unusual for her to ignore Makoto like that. She used to be very open with her older brother.

A short while later, Haruka announced that dinner was ready, although a little late, and Makoto went to try and rouse Ran out of hiding. “Ran?” He called through the door. “Dinner's ready. Are you coming out?” Once again his attempts were ignored. Haruka came down the hall to see how things were going but Makoto just shook his head at him. “No good.”

“Aren't you hungry?” Haruka tried his luck calling through the door. “Ran, are you awake?”

“Haru-chan..?” Came the muffled response. The two men waited and listened as Ran came to the door and unlocked it, opening it just a crack.

“I made dinner,” Haruka informed her. He could see that her eyes were still red and swollen, though it appeared the tears had stopped for now.

“Haru-chan, can I talk to you?” Ran rasped, her voice worn out from crying. Haruka exchanged glances with Makoto before going into the room. Ran closed and locked the door behind him, much to Makoto's displeasure. The room was mostly dark except for a small desk lamp and it appeared from the pile of tissues and the dishevelment of her bedding that Ran had been crying since they got back. Ran sat down on her bed and Haruka sat across from her on Ren's.

“What happened?” Haruka asked. 

Ran sighed deeply before answering. “Things with Momoka-chan aren't so good right now,” she pulled a fresh tissue from its box and crumpled it in her hand. Haruka waited for her to elaborate, watching her sigh again. She was staring at the floor, either unable or unwilling to make eye contact. “She was graded kind of poorly recently so her parents took her phone away this afternoon, and they decided to snoop through her messages. They found out about me and read our conversations and they think our relationship is what's causing her grades to slip, so they want us to break up. And on top of that, her mother is still convinced this 'dating girls thing' is just a phase.” Ran paused and Haruka could just make out her lip quivering. “I don't wanna break up with Momoka-chan,” she cried, fresh tears streaking her cheeks.

“Ran,” Haruka lowered his head to her level and tried to get her to look at him. “I think you should tell Makoto what's going on.” 

Ran met Haruka's eyes and nodded reluctantly. She was so upset she almost didn't care even if Ren found out, but she was so tired from crying she didn't feel like explaining everything. However, she also felt bad about leaving her older brother in the dark, and she knew she could trust him, so she prepared herself to face him.

Haruka gave Ran a quick hug before going to fetch Makoto. He was sure Makoto would be able to offer better solace than he could and he knew not being in on it must be driving Makoto up a wall, not that he'd ever let on. 

“Oh, Haru,” Makoto looked up from the table where he had been picking at his dinner when Haruka came in. “Is everything okay?”

“Ran wants to see you,” Haruka replied. He was about to sit at the table to get his dinner and give the two their privacy when Ran poked her head out of her room and called for him to come with Makoto. 

 

Ren watched silently as the two left him there alone and he pushed his plate away, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore despite the tantalizing aroma of Haruka's cooking.

“What's going on?” Makoto asked, ready to finally be in on the big secret. Ran locked the door again, though she didn't expect Ren would try anything. She drew closer to Haruka, using his presence as encouragement and taking comfort from his calmness.

“I've been keeping something secret for a while now,” Ran began. “Mom and Dad don't know, and neither does Ren. The only one who knows is Haru-chan, and I only told him today.” 

Makoto gave Haruka a worried look. Haruka's expression was emotionless, just as it often was. At least now he knew Haruka wasn't dating Ran, as he had begun to suspect earlier. Though the way emotions were flying this evening he wondered if he would prefer that had been it. 

“See, I've been in a relationship with someone for a little while now, but I was afraid to tell anyone about it. I especially didn't want Ren to find out cause, well, I'm kind of dating an ex of his.”

“Ren's had a boyfriend?” Makoto asked, a bit surprised.

“Not... exactly.” Ran took hold of Haruka's hand. “I'm seeing his ex-girlfriend.” Ran and Haruka watched for it to click.

“Oh!” Makoto exclaimed. “That's what it is!” He let out a sigh of relief. “Honestly, I was almost afraid you were going to tell me you were pregnant or something!” 

Ran released Haruka's hand and smacked the back of it against Makoto's chest. “Hey!” She objected. “I happen to be a marriageable young lady!” 

Makoto tried not to smile. “Sorry, sorry, but with all the crying and secrecy I was expecting it to be worse.”

“About the crying,” Ran's mood shifted again. “The reason I'm so upset today is because of what Momoka-chan was telling me on the train home. Her parents want us to break up.”

“Oh,” Makoto's lightheartedness faded. “Are they against same-sex dating?”

“Her mother is,” Ran replied. “I just... I don't know what to do, and neither does she.” Ran crossed her arms over her chest. “I don't think we should break up, but Momoka-chan is actually considering it.”

“Is that so?” Makoto could see tears and he pulled his sister into a hug. He didn't have any advice to offer, but he wanted her to know he would support her no matter what. “Whatever happens, I'll be here for you. Thank you for trusting me with this.” 

Ran unfolded her arms and clung tightly to Makoto. “Onii-chan!” She cried. “I'm glad I told you. Whatever happens, having Onii-chan and Haru-chan here will definitely make it okay!”

“Just remember, Makoto,” Haruka spoke up. Makoto looked at him over his sister's head. “Ren can't know.”

“That's right,” Ran added, “if he found out I was dating his first girlfriend it'd hurt his self-esteem pretty badly.”

“I understand,” Makoto released Ran and wiped a tear from her eye. “Now, why don't we all go eat dinner together? I'm sure Ren is feeling pretty lonely out there by himself.” 

Ran took hold of her brother's hand and walked with him and Haruka back to the table, where Ren was spacing out staring at the now-cold supper. Though the meal went silently, the tension from before had passed, and Haruka hoped that with rest, everyone would be back to their usual selves in the morning.


	6. It's Not Like I'm in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran returns with news of her relationship. Haruka snaps at Ren. Makoto gets caught in the middle again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of suck at the chapter summary thing. Oh well. I'm basically trying to get all the old chapters up quickly so I can remember where I left off and finish this beast.

By Monday morning, when the twins left for school, goodbyes being thrown hastily over their shoulders as they dashed out the door together, all seemed well between them once more. Haruka and Makoto smiled after them, unsure if their returned sentiments were heard. They had been placed on standby by Ran for after school; she would be talking to her girlfriend and they needed to be ready to be her support if things went unfavorably. Now that Haruka and Makoto had the house to themselves, Makoto sighed and turned to Haruka. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Haruka followed Makoto to his room, where they retrieved their laptops. They'd had some fun with the twins over the weekend but now it was time to get serious and start looking for work. Their hope was that they could find jobs close to home and close to each other so that they could share an apartment and still visit Makoto's family sometimes.

After a couple of hours of refining resumes and scouring job listings both men were becoming restless. “Let's take a break,” Makoto suggested in his usual gentle-yet-cheerful manner, setting his laptop off to the side and stretching. 

Haruka finished ticking boxes on the application he was working on and led the way to the kitchen. 

“I hope it doesn't take long to find something,” Makoto smiled.

“Yeah,” Haruka agreed. They took out drinks from the fridge and stood quietly for a while. Haruka didn't notice that Makoto was watching him. He was lost in his thoughts; while he should have been focusing on his career and independence, he found his mind wandering back to the last few days. When he had been riding the train back from school only a few short days ago he hadn't expected so much excitement and drama to be waiting for him.

“Hey, Haru,” Makoto unknowingly interrupted his sister as her words from the night before played over again in Haruka's mind. Haruka brought his eyes up to meet Makoto's in acknowledgment. “Before Ran told me what was really going on, I was starting to get some pretty crazy ideas in my head.”

“Is that so?” Haruka asked, suspicious of where the conversation was going.

“Yeah,” Makoto chuckled. “For a while there I almost thought you two had started dating!” 

Haruka clenched his jaw and pretended to be casual. He had already suspected that Makoto was thinking that and he knew he was going for another angle now. He didn't want to give him any indication that he was getting to him, however, so he tried to ignore him. 

“I wouldn't mind, you know,” Makoto followed up. “If you wanted to date one of my siblings.” 

Haruka felt his face get hot and he turned his head away. He could feel Makoto's eyes on him, watching, waiting expectantly for some confession. “You do remember that Ran is already in a relationship, don't you?” Haruka reminded him irritably.

“Ren is still single,” Makoto replied casually.

“Why would I date Ren?” Haruka asked, dropping his guard.

“So you would date Ran if she was available?” Makoto pressed.

“Don't assume things!” Haruka snapped. “How does one thing lead to the other?”

“When I said 'one of my siblings', you responded specifically about Ran,” Makoto answered, a bit flustered at Haruka's outburst. 

Haruka froze; he'd been caught. He knew there wasn't much he could hide from Makoto but he had hoped that his little crush would be able to stay hidden. He thought that maybe, if he didn't speak of it out loud, it would go away on its own and leave him in peace. But now he had no excuse to hide it anymore. “It's no big deal,” Haruka grumbled. “It's not like I'm in love with her.” 

Makoto nodded understandingly. 

“Even if things go badly with her girlfriend today I don't want you trying to push us together or anything, got it?” Haruka warned.

“I understand,” Makoto replied. “I won't interfere.” The two finished their drinks in silence and returned to their work. Neither spoke again until lunch, and even then the conversation was short and formal. 

Haruka found the application process even more difficult to focus on now that he'd all but admitted everything to Makoto. He wished he could draw a bath for himself and soak until his head was cleared but he knew he should be putting in as much effort as he could to the task at hand so he refrained.

When it was later in the afternoon, Ren returned home alone. Haruka and Makoto greeted him and spent some time asking about his day. They wouldn't admit it but they were using his arrival as an excuse to take a break from their work. Ren could tell but he didn't mind. His day had been average but he exaggerated a little here and there in his recounting for their sake. When he spoke of Ran it was clear that while she had told him to go on ahead, she hadn't told him what she was up to.

“I don't know what the big secret is,” Ren shrugged. “But if I had to guess, I'd say she has a boyfriend. And since she won't tell me, I'm guessing he's someone I know.” 

Haruka and Makoto exchanged a glance; he wasn't far off, but they couldn't tell him that. “What about you, Ren?” Haruka asked, taking the conversation away from Ran's secret.

“What about me?” Ren smiled nervously. “Are you asking if I'm single?”

“Yes,” Haruka answered bluntly. 

Ren flushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Y-yeah, I'm single,” he replied. He looked to his brother for some kind of clue but Makoto just gave a slight shrug.

“Is there someone you like?” Haruka pressed further. His eyes were focused on the teen, who sat across from him at the table where they were chatting. Ren nodded shyly, breaking eye contact to stare at his hands in his lap. Makoto watched nervously, ready to interject if Haruka continued this line of questioning. “Is she a good girl?”

“Erm, well...” Ren fumbled. If his face could feel any hotter he thought it would have to be from spontaneously combusting. He almost would rather that happen than answer any more of these questions. Fortunately for him, the front door opened and Haruka was distracted by Ran's return. Haruka and Makoto both watched for her to appear, and when she did, it was difficult for them to tell how her talk had gone. She was not happy and excited nor did she appear to have been crying.

“Hello, everyone,” she greeted, a brief, halfhearted smile flashing across her face before she faded back to neutrality. She went straight for her bedroom and Makoto looked at Haruka as if to ask him what to do. Haruka's eyes were fixated on the place Ran had disappeared from his vision and Makoto seemed to understand. Excusing himself, he went after her, and Haruka knew that he would be called if he was needed. He didn't want to rush to her side and give Makoto a stronger impression than he already had of his feelings for her.

“Even though I'm trying to ignore it, it still hurts that something is going on and no one will tell me about it,” Ren confessed. 

Haruka turned his attention back to the brown-haired twin and noticed a marked change in his attitude; he was no longer lightheartedly flustered over crushes. His eyes were downcast and his mouth frowned. 

“How come she can tell you guys but she can't tell me? I'm her brother, too, you know! She used to trust me with things.”

“Have you asked her about it?”

“I wanted to,” Ren sighed. “But she never gave me a chance to.”

“I see,” Haruka sighed. When he had the opportunity, he thought he might suggest that Ran go ahead and tell Ren. Now that he wasn't thinking just about himself, he appeared quite concerned about his sister, and Haruka could tell that not knowing was hurting him more than knowing likely would.

“Hey, Haru?”

“Hm?”

“Are you in love with Ran?” The irritation manifesting on Haruka's face caused Ren to shift nervously.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that today?” Haruka grumbled. “I'm not in love with her.”

“Really?” Ren wanted to feel relieved but somehow he didn't believe him. “I kind of thought-”

“You thought wrong,” Haruka snapped. He rose from the table and went to check on Makoto and Ran. 

Ren sighed and buried his head in his arms. Once again, he was alone. Everyone else was focusing on Ran, and he still didn't know what was wrong with her.

When Haruka knocked on the door and entered the room, he was relieved to see that Ran was not crying, but she certainly wasn't happy, and Makoto had a concerned look on his face. “What happened?” He asked.

“Momoka-chan and I talked it over,” Ran replied softly. Her voice and demeanor were quite subdued; she sat hunched over on her bed with one arm reaching across her stomach to grab the other. “She decided that the best thing to do would be to take a break. Let her get her grades back up and let her parents calm down.”

“Are you okay with this?” Haruka moved beside Makoto and sat on the edge of Ren's bed. 

Ran shook her head and shrugged. “I kind of have to be,” she said. “I can't make her stay with me, and she's probably making the right decision, but it hurts right now. I don't know how long it's going to take for things to be better again. I don't know if she'll actually try to get back together with me after things cool down.”

“Why do you say that?” Haruka asked.

“Momoka-chan isn't the strongest-willed person,” Ran replied. “If her mother says it enough, she probably will convince herself that dating girls is wrong and that she's better off not knowing me anymore. Her father's not so bad, and he may step in and stop things from getting that far, but when push comes to shove, Momoka-chan can't lie and wouldn't have the backbone to stand up to her mother and tell her she's going to keep dating girls anyway.”

“From what you've told me of her mother,” Makoto grimaced, “she sounds like the type of person who would pack up and move to start over somewhere else rather than accept that if she did stand up to her.”

“That doesn't exactly sound wrong,” Ran sighed. The three sat in silence, staring at nothing in particular as their minds wandered and they considered the hopelessness of Ran's situation. The group jumped with a start as someone knocked on the door and the Tachibana matriarch entered.

“So this is where everyone is,” she smiled, not taking in the atmosphere of the room.

“Ah, sorry!” Makoto apologized. “We didn't hear you come home!” The mother cast her gaze around the room.

“Where's Ren?” She asked.

“Wasn't he at the table?” Haruka questioned.

“No, I haven't seen him at all.” 

Haruka felt the color drain from his face as he recalled the way he had snapped at Ren.

“Haru?” Makoto prompted. Haruka looked at him worriedly.

“I overreacted to something he said and got upset with him before I came in here,” Haruka admitted. “I wonder if he's gone out somewhere to get away from me.”

“It's going to be getting dark soon,” Makoto observed. “He knows better than to be out after dark without calling. I'm sure he'll be back soon.”

“I'll keep my phone on me while I start dinner,” his mother offered calmly. “I'll let you know if I hear from him.” She left the room, oblivious to the depth of the situation.

“What did you get upset over, Haru-chan?” Ran asked, straightening up a little.

“He asked me a question, I answered it, and he didn't want to believe me,” Haruka replied shortly. “He was also upset that we're all in on what's going on with you and he's not. He's very concerned about you.”

“He is?” Ran seemed to come to a realization. “It could be that he's mad at me and what happened with you was just the final straw, then.”

“Whatever the case,” Makoto sighed. “We should go look for him if it gets too late. I don't like the idea of him being out alone when he's upset.” Haruka and Ran nodded in agreement.

-

Makoto stared at the clock on his phone. “I'm going to call him,” he decided. It was fully dark outside and dinner was close to being ready and Ren still hadn't returned or called. The group had moved to Makoto's room while they were waiting but the video games were a poor distraction and were quickly given up on. Haruka and Ran watched Makoto listen to the ringing phone. “It went to voicemail,” he announced. “Ren, this is Makoto. Where are you? If you don't come home soon we're going to come looking for you. Please call me.” He hung up the phone and sighed. 

Haruka stood and opened the door. “Let's go,” he called impatiently. The guilt gnawing at his insides was too much for him to take anymore. He couldn't just sit and wait when it was his fault Ren had left and was ignoring them. Makoto and Ran followed him to the front door and they quickly put on their shoes and jackets. Makoto called out to his mother to let her know what they were doing and they left.


	7. Is Ren Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren catches a cold.

Haruka threw open the door and bolted down the steps. About halfway down, he stopped, staring down towards the bottom. Makoto and Ran nearly crashed into him as they came to a sudden stop behind him. There, at the bottom of the steps, was Ren, sitting and talking to his father. Makoto and Ran stepped around Haruka and simultaneously heaved sighs of relief at the sight.

“Thank goodness,” Makoto smiled.

Ran continued down the stairs a little further before calling down to them, “Hey! Dinner's almost ready!” Ren turned and waved at them to signal that he heard and he and his father stood up and began their ascent. When they reached the others, Ran positioned her hands on her hips threateningly and glared at her twin. “Why didn't you answer your phone?!”

“I left it inside,” Ren replied, throwing up his hands defensively. “Geez, what's wrong?”

“Ren, why didn't you tell us you were going out?” Makoto scolded. “We were all worried!”

“I only stepped outside for some fresh air,” Ren looked at their worried faces and bowed his head apologetically. “I'm sorry!”

“If you were out here the whole time how come Mom didn't see you when she came home?” Ran argued.

“I heard a cat wailing from the bottom of the steps,” Ren explained. “It's possible Mom passed me while I was poking around in the dark looking for it.”

“Everyone, let's all relax and go inside for dinner,” the Tachibana father interjected. “I kept Ren out here talking for quite some time. I don't want him to catch a chill.” 

Everyone agreed and trudged back inside. Ran continued to shoot glares at her brother whenever she got the chance. After the way they had all worried about him, only to find out he had never left the steps. If it were possible, she imagined smoke pouring out of her ears.

After dinner, Ran pulled Ren aside and took him back to their room. “So you really just went out for some fresh air?” She asked him. “It wasn't ‘cause you were mad at me, or at Haru-chan?”

“Not that I enjoy being left out,” Ren chided, “but I wasn't really mad at anyone. Lonely, yes, and worried about you, yes, but not mad.” 

Ran relaxed her shoulders. He didn't seem at all concerned about Haruka's end of it. “I'm sorry,” she apologized. “I hate keeping secrets from you.”

“Then don't,” Ren responded. Ran nodded and pulled him in for a hug. Ren reluctantly accepted it. “What's this for?”

“I want to hug you now in case you don't want to talk to me again,” came Ran's muffled reply.

“Why wouldn't I talk to you?” Ren asked, bewildered.

“’Cause,” Ran pulled away. “I'm going to tell you what I've been keeping secret. And I don't know if you'll hate me after.” 

Ren gulped. Just what on earth was she hiding?! “Okay..?” He prompted. 

Ran paced around as she began her explanation. When she had told him everything, she stood before Ren apologetically and bowed. “I'm sorry!” She raised her head to glimpse Ren's expression; he was staring back at her blankly.

“That's the big secret?” He asked incredulously. “Seriously?”

“Yes..?” Ran replied. Ren sighed and shook his head.

“You of all people should know I wouldn't judge you for dating someone of the same sex,” he said. “After all, you've never judged me.”

“That wasn't exactly what I was worried about,” Ran forced a smile. Had Ren even noticed that she was talking about an ex of his? “So it doesn't bother you at all that I've been dating your first girlfriend?”

“Not really,” Ren replied. “I mean, that was middle school. She hadn't figured out that she liked girls yet, right? If anything,” he smiled, “I feel better about our breakup now.” 

Ran felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She stared at Ren in disbelief. “I feel like such an idiot,” she breathed. “That whole fight we had could have been avoided... I thought for sure you'd be upset if you knew!”

“Maybe a few days ago it would have upset me a little,” Ren conceded. “But the way you told Haru and Onii-chan but refused to tell me made me think there was something really serious going on.”

“Well, there is!” Ran insisted. “Don't forget the part about taking a break. It's hard to deal with that.”

“Right,” Ren nodded. “You gonna be okay?” 

Ran looked away sadly. “I think so,” she answered quietly. “It's not forever, at least, not yet.” Ren reached out and ruffled his sister's hair. “Hey!”

“Thanks,” he smiled. “It means a lot that you finally told me.”

“Sure,” Ran mumbled, combing her fingers through her hair. “Well, I would say, 'now we both know each other's secrets', but this isn't much of a secret anymore, huh?”

“I guess not,” Ren scuffed his foot on the ground. “I wonder if mine still counts as a secret now that I've told Onii-chan.”

“Eh? You told Onii-chan?” Ran asked, surprised. “When was this?”

“When you and Haru were in that frilly dress shop.” Ren made a face at the memory of the place. “After we went outside to wait.”

“How'd he take it?” Ran was suddenly curious. She had never expected Ren to tell anyone else about his feelings for Haruka.

“He was sympathetic, as usual,” Ren replied. “He seems like he'd be okay with it if I did manage to get Haru to return my feelings.”

“Is that so?” Ran pondered. “Then if that's the case, it's time to go on the offensive!” Ren jumped back from her sudden enthusiasm. She seemed to have gotten over her own troubles quickly enough. “With Onii-chan's blessing, we can work together to win you Haru-chan's heart!”

“Wh-what?!” Ren's voice cracked. “Do you really think it's possible?”

“You love him, right?”

“Yeah..?”

“Then we have to try!” Ran grinned.

“But, I think Haru might like someone else,” Ren protested.

“What? Really?” Ran questioned, surprised. “Who?” 

Ren looked away and his shoulders sank. “I don't know if I should say...” He shook his head and sighed. “I mean, I can't confirm it. He did deny it, but...”

“If he denied it, what the problem?” Ran asked.

“Somehow, I don't believe him,” Ren felt guilty that he couldn't just take Haruka's word for it, but something wasn't sitting right with him and he couldn't ignore his suspicions.

“Hmmm...” Ran hummed. “It couldn't be Onii-chan..?”

“No!” Ren exclaimed. He sighed again and resigned himself to telling her. “I think he might like you.”

“Me?!” Ran's eyes went wide, but she quickly returned to a scheming pose. “Oh man, what if he's not into guys?” She mused. “This could be hard.”

“Can we just drop it for now?” Ren pleaded. “I'm getting all worked up and I still have homework to do tonight.”

“Yeah, good idea,” Ran mumbled. Her chin was resting on her hand as though she were deep in thought. “Why don't we pick this up again later, after I've had a chance to brainstorm this?” 

Ren nodded his agreement before halfheartedly retrieving his textbook from his book bag and flicking on the desk lamp. His mind was not on his work as he skimmed the same passage three times without remembering a single word of it.

A couple of days later, while getting ready for school, Ren found himself unable to concentrate. He was fumbling with his tie when Haruka came and tied it for him. This was the only time he'd done that since the first time. Ren had actually been practicing tying the nuisance just so he could impress Haruka. But somehow, he just felt off today, and he couldn't make the damn thing cooperate. He wondered if it was just some hormonal teenage thing; he hadn't heard any new ideas from his sister yet and he couldn't seem to take him mind off of it. Shrugging it off, he and Ran left together, though no conversation passed between them along the way.

-

Haruka watched Makoto pace excitedly as he spoke on his cellphone. He could tell his friend was trying to keep a calm voice but his face gave him away; it appeared to be a call back from one of the places he'd applied to, probably for an interview. After Makoto hung up, he enthusiastically confirmed this, a bright smile on his face.

“This is great!” He exclaimed. “I have an interview tomorrow!”

“Congratulations,” Haruka offered, not nearly as excited. He was glad for him, but if Makoto got a job before he did, it would make living arrangements difficult in the meantime. Makoto would have to commute until Haruka was able to find something, or else he'd have to look for another roommate.

“I hope this means you'll start getting calls, too,” Makoto smiled, settling down a little. Haruka looked away from him. “Ah! I should make sure my suit is in good condition!” He began heading for his bedroom when the house phone rang. Haruka stood to answer it but Makoto waved him down, returning to get it himself. “Hello?” There was a moment of silence while the person on the other end spoke. “They're not home right now, but I'm his older brother. Can I help you?” Haruka watched with curiosity. “I see. Yes, I'll come right away.” Makoto hung up the phone with sagging shoulders.

“What's wrong?” Haruka asked.

“That was the school,” Makoto frowned. “Ren has a fever. I'm going to go pick him up.”

“I'll go with you,” Haruka offered. Makoto nodded and the two quickly readied themselves to go out. Makoto grabbed a packet of tissues before they left and Haruka found himself admiring his thoughtfulness. He hadn't even considered that Ren might need those, but he thought it was typical of Makoto to realize such things. He was always taking care of others that way.

When they got to the school, Ren was definitely quite sick, with a rising fever, pale complexion, and disoriented movements. He didn't seem entirely with it while they made their way back home, and trying to tackle the steps, the last obstacle keeping him from his bed, proved to be too much. Haruka helped get him on Makoto's back and they set off up the steps slowly, as Makoto needed to take deep breaths between each step. Halfway up Haruka offered to switch with him, but Makoto shook his head, insisting that he'd be fine. 

Ren had other ideas, however, and wriggled his way free from his brother, declaring that he would be able to do the last bit himself and muttering something about not wanting to burden anyone. He made it only a few steps before Haruka and Makoto had to catch his arms to keep him from falling. They each took and arm over their shoulders and helped the exhausted boy the rest of the way up, not letting him go until they had him in his bed.

Makoto helped Ren change clothes and Haruka went to the kitchen to make some broth. When Makoto came out and informed him that Ren had fallen asleep, Haruka set the broth on a low simmer to keep it ready for when he woke up.

“That's what he gets for not wearing a jacket outside at night,” Haruka commented, thinking back to the night they'd all rushed outside looking for him. The fact that he was without a jacket lent to his story that he was only out for some fresh air and that he had stayed close to the house the whole time. Now Haruka found himself even more concerned about him; this wasn't just some cold. He was really sick.

“If his fever hasn't broken by tomorrow I'm going to call the doctor,” Makoto grimaced. “I hope I don't have to.”

When Ran returned from school that afternoon she was panicked. “Is Ren okay?” She asked as soon as she found Makoto and Haruka, who were looking at ties and socks in Makoto's room.

“His fever is still high,” Makoto answered coolly, trying not to sound too worried. “But he's been resting all afternoon. I'm sure he'll be fine in a few days.” 

Ran pouted. “I bet it's ‘cause he went outside without a jacket.” She mumbled. 

Makoto smiled at Haruka, who gave him a look before quickly shoving a tie in his face. “This one,” he decided.

“Huh?” Ran noticed her older brother's suit was laid out and she looked at the small collection of ties the two men were holding. “Is Onii-chan going somewhere?”

“I have an interview tomorrow,” Makoto replied, his mood brightening a bit. “Oh,” he froze. “If I'm going to be gone tomorrow, that leaves Haruka alone to take care of Ren.”

“It's no problem,” Haruka shrugged. “We'll be fine.”

“If you're sure you don't mind...”

“I said it's fine.” Haruka repeated more insistently. 

A coughing fit from the other room sent all three to check on Ren. He insisted he was fine and was agreeable to trying some of Haruka's broth, and reluctantly he agreed to stay in bed to drink it. While he was awake he forced down some medicine, quickly following it with another sip of broth to clear the bitter taste from his mouth before sinking down under the covers for another nap. He seemed embarrassed to have all three fussing over him and preferred sleep to having them all standing around watching him.


	8. I'll Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Ren is recovering from his cold, Ran hatches a plan to help him get Haruka's attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What better time to do a chapter with a sick character than when you are also sick, right? No? Well that's how things lined up while I revised this one.

During the night, Ren's fever broke, and by morning he was able to drag himself and his cocoon of blankets out to the couch where he was fussed over by Makoto and Ran before they each left. His parents also smothered him before leaving for their jobs but he didn't mind that as much. Haruka went about his business normally, occasionally stopping to look at Ren, who would stare back with a hint of annoyance until Haruka returned to whatever it was he had been doing at the time. He told Ren that he could call for him if he needed anything, and seemed to feel that he should have been needed at least once during the morning, but Ren had not spoken a word.

At lunch time Ren sat with Haruka at the table, both eating lunches prepared by Ren's mother. Haruka asked how Ren was feeling, to which Ren replied that he was fine, and tried to convince Haruka that he didn't need to take care of him.

“You're still sick,” Haruka reminded him.

“My fever's gone way down,” Ren protested. “I can take care of myself.”

“I won't allow it,” Haruka said adamantly. Ren stood with his dishes but Haruka snatched them from his hands and sent him back to the couch. “You need to rest.”

“All I've done all day is rest,” Ren whined.

“Exactly,” Haruka responded. “That's what sick people are supposed to do.”

Ren begrudgingly returned to the couch and flipped through TV stations. After Haruka finished cleaning up from lunch, he heard Ren calling him over. “Haru, I'm so bored!” He complained. “Isn't there anything you'll let me do?”

“We could play a game,” Haruka offered. Ren agreed to this idea and Haruka brought out Makoto's gaming system. Ren made room for Haruka to sit on the couch and they played together for a couple of hours before that, too, became boring.

“Hey, Haru,” Ren asked, “wanna watch a movie?” 

Haruka smiled a little smile and nodded, taking the gaming system and putting it aside so he could set the TV up for DVDs. He was glad that Ren wasn't bothered by him playing care giver anymore and was more than happy to stay with him if it meant he was sitting still and resting.

Ren took a moment to stretch his legs and exercise his little bit of freedom while he picked out what he wanted to watch and brought it to Haruka. It was an old Disney movie they used to watch a lot as kids with Ran and Makoto, but this was a newer copy that had options for the original English dubbing with Japanese subtitles.

“It's kinda weird to listen to it in English, but you've gotta try it at least once!” Ren declared. 

Haruka settled in next to him and let him have the remote. When the movie started, Ren was watching Haruka for his reactions to the familiar opening with the unfamiliar voices. Haruka remained rather stoic, though his eyebrows did scrunch just a bit now and then.

Before Ariel had made it to the sea witch, Ren had fallen asleep against Haruka's shoulder. When Haruka noticed, he pulled a blanket up over the boy and smiled. A nap didn't seem like such a bad idea. Haruka positioned himself as comfortably as he could without disturbing Ren and let himself drift off just as Ariel signed over her voice.

When Haruka woke, the TV was off, and a blanket had been draped over him. Ren was still asleep against his shoulder, which was now wet from drool, and had wrapped his arm around Haruka's, hugging it gently to his chest. Haruka smiled and ran his fingers through Ren's hair before putting his wrist to his forehead to check his fever. It seemed to have completely passed now, much to his relief. Even though his dampened sleeve was uncomfortable, he remained still and let Ren continue to sleep. At one point, Ren slid forward and ended up with his head in Haruka's lap. He stirred just long enough to shift his shoulders before he was quietly asleep again. Haruka readjusted the blanket so it was covering him again and began absentmindedly stroking Ren's arm as he began to drift off.

Haruka jumped awake when he heard footsteps approaching him and looked up to see Makoto coming from the direction of his bedroom. “How long have you been home?” He whispered.

“Almost an hour,” Makoto replied softly. “How's he doing?” He gestured to Ren, who was still sleeping on Haruka.

“His fever seems to be gone,” Haruka replied quietly. “It's a good thing, too. Up until he fell asleep he was incredibly restless.”

“Sounds about right,” Makoto chuckled, smiling at the news. He noticed the way Haruka had begun caressing Ren's arm again and gave him a curious look.

“What?”

“It's nothing!” Makoto insisted with a grin. 

Haruka squinted his eyes at him. What was he thinking..? He didn't have a chance to ask that question because Ran had just announced her arrival and Ren woke up at the sound of her closing the door. Once he realized where he was and what he'd been doing, he sat upright and began apologizing.

“It's fine,” Haruka said coolly. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, how are you feeling, Ren?” Ran asked as she entered the room.

“I feel a lot better,” Ren replied, adding to Haruka, “thanks for taking care of me.” Haruka nodded and stood up, his body cracking from his prolonged motionlessness.

In the evening, after everyone was home, Makoto announced that after his interview he'd been invited back for a second interview. Congratulations were called out by everyone and Makoto grinned nervously. While this was certainly a good sign, it was by no means a job offer. He was trying to get a job as a teacher, and this particular school was in need of an elementary-level special needs teacher. It would be a very demanding job at times and they wanted to make sure Makoto was suited for the work. After all, he only had minimal training on what to do for special needs students. If the second interview went well, he told everyone, he may be asked back to assist in one of the classes for a few days as a trial period before receiving an offer. Everyone at the table wished him luck and assured him that he would do great.

After everyone had dispersed to their rooms for the night, Ran finally had a moment alone with Ren. “Remember how I said I'd think of something?” She asked excitedly. Ren nodded that he did, and she continued. “Well, I think I've got something.”

“What?” Ren's curiosity was piqued and he sat up in his bed to listen. Ran came over and whispered her plan to him, smiling and moving her hands emphatically. When she'd finished, Ren did not appear pleased by the suggestion. “Are you kidding me?” He asked. “That's never gonna work, and it's embarrassing!”

“Aww, c'mon, you have nothing to lose!” Ran pleaded, sad that her self-proclaimed genius idea was being put down so quickly. “It'll be just like that time when we were little, only you don't have to leave the house!”

“How much of this is really believing it'll help and how much of this is you just wanting to see me do it?” Ren questioned.

“Will you at least think it over?” Ran begged, ignoring his question. “You have until Sunday before we could do it anyway.”

“I'll think about it,” Ren agreed. “But I'm not liking it.” 

Ran grinned triumphantly. He didn't have to like doing it, as long as he got results.

On Saturday evening, Ran was about to confront Ren for an answer when she got intercepted by Haruka. Knowing she couldn't talk about the plan around him, she decided to pull him aside to chat for a little while, inwardly deciding that she could always wake Ren up if he tried to go to sleep early to avoid her.

“Haru-chan, let's talk!” She exclaimed, grabbing Haruka's hand and pulling him into the dining room. Her parents were in bed and Makoto was in the bath, so it was just the two of them. Haruka seemed reluctant to make eye contact and Ran thought back to what Ren had told her. Curiosity got the better of her and she decided to find out if what he'd said was true.

“What do you want to talk about?” Haruka asked. 

Ran hummed while she thought. “Weeell...” She drawled. “You know what's going on with me and Momoka-chan... why don't you tell me about you? Do you like anyone right now?” 

Haruka briefly lost his composure before fixing himself into a thoughtful position. “It's hard to say,” he answered cautiously. “It doesn't feel the way my crushes used to.”

“Is that what happens when you get older?” Ran asked, a pout on her face at the thought that she may not experience such head-over-heels feelings in a few years.

“Could be,” Haruka shrugged. 

Ran rested her head on her hand thoughtfully and glanced between Haruka and the kitchen. “What do you think about me?” Ran finally asked, her eyes now fixated firmly on Haruka's to catch any hint of change in his expression.

“What about you?” Haruka had to fight to keep eye contact.

“Would you say I'm pretty?” She fished, prodding him closer to telling her what she wanted to know.

“Yes, you're pretty.” Haruka's cheeks tinged pink. “But I think you're more cute than pretty. You're very cute.” 

Ran grinned. She nearly had him. “Aww, thank you, Haru-chan!” She beamed. Now, with a mischievous look in her eye, she got to the main question. “Do you like me, Haru-chan?” 

Haruka was dead silent, his eyes having grown slightly wider and his face slightly pinker. “I... might have,” Haruka admitted shyly, unable to lie to her. “After Makoto found out I finally started getting over it, but...”

“But?” Ran prodded curiously. So Ren had been right.

“Is it wrong?” Haruka asked, the embarrassment giving way to concern.

“Why would it be wrong?” Ran asked, a bit surprised by the question.

“I'm so much older than you,” Haruka sighed. “And I've known you your whole life. We're practically family.”

“The age difference only seems like a big deal now,” Ran said gently, acutely aware that if she misspoke now she could hurt her brother's chances. “In five, ten years, it won't seem that big.”

“That's true,” Haruka admitted.

“And sometimes it's the people who have known each other their whole lives that end up happiest together,” Ran continued, quickly adding, “but you said you don't feel that way about me anymore anyway, right? And I've got Momoka-chan, or, I will again soon.”

“Yeah.” Haruka sighed again, but then he smiled. “You know, I feel a lot better now.”

“Good!” Ran smiled in return. She stood up from the table and excused herself. “I'm glad we got to talk, and sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Goodnight!”

“Goodnight,” Haruka returned. 

When Ran got into her bedroom, Ren was still awake, not even in his pajamas yet. “Have you decided?” Ran asked. 

Ren nodded. 

 

“And?”

“I'll do it,” he sighed, defeated. 

Grinning from ear-to-ear, Ran replied, “Good!” She clapped her hands on his shoulders. “And I have news!” She released him and walked around to her bed and sat down, pulling off her socks and locating her pajamas under her pillow. “It seems Haru-chan did have a crush on me, but he doesn't anymore.”

“Is that so?” Ren yawned. “And that's good news?”

“Of course!” Ran looked at him like he was dumb. “It means the door is open for him to start liking someone else, aka, you!”

“I hope you're right,” Ren sighed. “Or else I'm going to feel really foolish tomorrow.”


	9. Just Like a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran's plan gets set into motion.

On Sunday, Ren and Ran woke up in the late morning. Their parents had already left for work long ago, so Haruka and Makoto were the only ones there to greet them. They ate their breakfast in their pajamas, washed their faces, and set to work. 

“I hope you know what you're doing,” Ren grumbled.

“Oh, relax,” Ran replied dismissively. “I'll do a good job.” 

Ren sighed and shrugged his shoulders, standing around nervously as Ran dove into her wardrobe. 

“Is this too small? Yeah, it is.” She tossed a garment away from her. “No, not this one...” She mumbled. “Ooh, this should work!” She declared triumphantly, holding up a yellow skirt by its elastic waistband.

“Isn't that a little... short?” Ren gulped.

“Pfft, no,” Ran smirked. “Here, hold this while I get some tights.” 

Ren reluctantly took the garment and held it away from himself. He still didn't like the idea, but it was the only idea either of them had. If Ran could do a good job of making him look like a girl, he might be able to capture Haruka's attention. At least, that was what Ran thought. Ren thought it would just be silly and uncomfortable- for him, mostly, but also for Haruka, who would probably do his best to be polite about it, even if on the inside he wanted to laugh or cringe.

While Ren was spacing out, his olive-haired twin had returned with a pair of tights and a couple of tops. “Here, try all of this together,” she instructed him. 

He sighed and obliged, offering her quite a few opportunities to laugh as he struggled to get the girly clothes on. “This is so awkward,” he commented, wriggling the yellow skirt up over the pale purple tights.

“You're such a baby,” Ran smirked. “At least I'm not making you wear high heels.”

“I'm willing to bet that the only reason for that is because you don't happen to have any my size,” Ren scoffed. He layered the baggy tee over the long sleeve tee and allowed his sister to make final adjustments. She tucked the shirts into the skirt and pulled up on some of the loose fabric, making the top look baggy and giving the illusion that, if you squint, there might just be breasts under there. Maybe.

“Oh, c'mon,” Ran grinned at her handiwork. “I'm not that cruel.”

“Whatever,” her brother sighed. “What now?”

“Hair and make-up!” Ran exclaimed excitedly. There wasn't a whole lot she could do with his bowl cut, but with a little styling mousse, she managed to make some improvement. She topped it off with a cute hairband that had a bow on the side, then moved on to the make-up. His complexion was similar enough to hers that she was able to do the base layers the same as she would herself, but she went with a more dramatic eyeliner than she usually wore, which took some time to accomplish since Ren kept squirming away from her whenever she came near his eyes. By the time she had finished with mascara and lip gloss, Ren could almost pass as a tall, skinny girl.

“Can I look now?” He asked.

“Go ahead,” Ran permitted proudly. When Ren caught sight of himself in the mirror, his eyes went wide in shock. “Well?” Ran prompted.

“I look like a girl,” Ren whimpered. “Like, I legitimately look like a girl.”

“Good! That's what we were going for!” Ran beamed.

“I feel so emasculated,” Ren whined. “Why can't I be more like Onii-chan?”

“Oh, hush,” Ran slapped his back. “Now it's time to show you off.”

“Do we have to?” Ren groaned.

“I did not do all this work for you to hide in your room all day,” Ran scowled. Ren gulped and followed her out to the living area. Makoto was sitting at the table with some paperwork in front of him, and Haruka was helping out with the household chores by folding laundry. “Good morning Onii-chan! Haru-chan!”

“It's afternoon,” Haruka replied. 

Ran pouted. “Same difference. It's a day off so it doesn't matter!” She declared.

“Well, you and your brother took so long that I've got to get ready to go now,” Makoto announced, gathering up his papers and standing. “It was nice seeing you,” he joked.

“You're leaving?” Ran asked.

“I have my second interview this afternoon,” Makoto told her. “I'll be gone for a while.”

“Oh...” Ran seemed a bit disappointed, but Ren was relieved. Maybe, he thought, Makoto would leave without seeing him.

“Where is Ren?” Haruka asked. “Is he feeling unwell again?”

“No, he's right here!” Ran grinned, grabbing Ren and dragging him forward where the two men could see him. He couldn't bear to look at their faces when they saw him. He stared at the ground, his face burning red.

“Ren?” Makoto gaped. “What kind of bet did you lose?”

“We bet on whether Haru-chan would buy mackerel at the store the other day, and Ren said he wouldn't.” Ran smirked. “So now he has to stay dressed like this all day.”

“You bet on my shopping habits?” Haruka asked, slightly offended.

“It was Ran's idea!” Ren exclaimed, still unable to bring his eyes up to meet Haruka's or Makoto's. It was an innocent enough lie, just the sort of excuse they could believe.

“Well, Ren, you certainly look... erm...” Makoto fumbled. “You look very...”

“Girly,” Haruka said for him. Had Makoto not been so interested in his younger sibling at the moment he might have caught that, for once, Haruka finished his sentence.

“Didn't I do a good job on him?” Ran asked, shoving her brother closer to the others.

“I-it's okay to say so,” Ren stuttered. “I know I look like a girl.”

“You look cute,” Makoto smiled apprehensively. “It's kind of weird how well you pull it off.”

“Oops,” Ran reached behind her and pulled out her phone, which was vibrating madly. “I have to take this.”

“S-so, um,” Ren walked awkwardly over to the couch and sat down. “Good luck in your interview, Onii-chan.”

“Thanks,” Makoto smiled at him. He retreated to his room to change clothes, leaving Ren and Haruka alone. They waited together in silence, with Makoto passing through and saying his goodbyes on his way out, before either of them spoke to each other.

“I was going to take you and Ran out to lunch,” Haruka said, placing the last piece of folded laundry into the basket. “But I guess you don't want to go anywhere like that.”

“Y-yeah,” Ren tugged at the hem of the skirt. He still thought it was too short.

“What's this?” Ran asked, returning from her phone call. “Haru-chan was going to take us out?”

“Yeah,” Haruka replied.

“Aww, I just got invited out by Momoka-chan!” Ran whined in mock sadness. “It looks like we might be able to start seeing each other again. Sorry, but I've been waiting for this, so I can't go with you guys. Oh, but you two could go!”

“You said I didn't have to leave the house like this!” Ren grumbled.

“You don't have to go out with Haru-chan,” Ran rolled her eyes. “But you could go with him, just the two of you, if you felt brave enough.”

“You suck,” Ren whispered to her under his breath. “Were you planning it this way all along?”

“Of course not!” Ran whispered back. “How could I have known Haru-chan was planning to take us out?”

“Hey,” Haruka interrupted. “I'm hungry. Are we going or not?”

“Well...” Ren whimpered.

“If it's the clothes holding you back, you shouldn't worry so much,” Haruka said thoughtfully. “You look fine. It doesn't matter what you wear.”

“But what if someone recognizes me?” Ren feared.

“So what?” Haruka clapped his hand on the teen's shoulder. “Did I ever tell you about the time I wore a girl's swimsuit?”

“Wait, what?!” Ren and Ran exclaimed simultaneously.

“It's true,” Haruka nodded. “Though I was younger than you at the time, so it wasn't quite as big a deal...”

“Maybe...” Ren mumbled. “Do I really look enough like a girl that people wouldn't notice?”

“Well, I mean, they wouldn't be able to tell from a passing glance,” Ran replied. “But if you look closely you can still tell you're a guy. But, I mean, it could just be that I know what to look for. You are my brother after all.”

“Do you think if I passed by someone from school they'd recognize me?”

“Maybe?” Ran was trying to be honest. If he did run into someone from school and she said they wouldn't recognize him, but they did, she would never stop feeling guilty about it.

“Well...” Ren muttered. He didn't want to be seen this way, but he began to think of how brave and confident he would look to Haruka if he did go with him. Since just being dressed this way didn't seem to elicit any particular reaction from him, Ren knew he would have to do something to get Haruka's attention. “I guess it's okay if I'm with Haru,” he answered nervously.

“Let me just put these things away and we can go,” Haruka replied, a hint of a smile forming in the corners of his mouth.

“That's the spirit!” Ran cheered, beaming proudly at her brother. “It'll be just like a date,” she added quietly with a wink.

“I guess,” Ren mumbled.

“Hey, cheer up,” Ran said sympathetically. “Seriously, you look good, and this is the perfect opportunity for you to get closer to Haru-chan.”

“I know, but I feel so uncomfortable!” Ren grumbled. “I know I agreed to it but I still don't like it.”

“Listen, I gotta get going to meet up with Momoka-chan,” Ran grinned. “Wear your tennis shoes, that'll look fine, and try to be confident. It's all about how you present yourself.”

“Thanks.” Ren sighed. “Cause, y'know, I feel so confident with this cold chill between my legs.”

“Now you know how I feel,” Ran teased. She wished him luck before rushing to get herself ready for her date. She raced past Haruka in the hall, stopping to say quietly to him, “Haru-chan, please take care while you're out with Ren. He's really nervous.”

“Got it,” Haruka replied to her. He and Ren then put on their shoes and left. 

Ren didn't know where Haruka was taking him, but he was sure they wouldn't be going very far. After they made it to the bottom of the steps, Haruka grabbed Ren's hand. 

“You're shivering. Are you cold?”

“Just a little,” Ren replied. Though he was still getting used to the skirt and tights, his shaking was more from nerves than the cold. “Your hand is warm, though,” he added, lacing his fingers between Haruka's. He hoped Haruka wouldn't mind it.

“Do you want to go back and get a jacket?” Haruka asked.

“No, I'll be fine,” Ren blushed. He turned his head away, hoping Haruka hadn't seen. Haruka didn't make any comment, and they continued on.

Most of the people they passed didn't give the two a second glance. A few wondered what an adult man was doing with such a young girl, even going so far as to shoot dirty looks at Haruka, but only one or two people seemed to notice something off about Ren. When they reached the restaurant, they were seated at an interior table, away from the window. Ren was glad for that. Haruka pulled the chair out for him before taking his own seat, and Ren wasn't sure if this chivalry was part of the illusion or not.

“May I take your drink orders?” A young waitress asked.

“I'll just have water,” Haruka replied casually.

“And for you, miss?” The waitress asked, addressing Ren.

“U-um, I'll have water, too,” Ren replied. As soon as he spoke the waitress got a peculiar look in her eye. She didn't say anything, but Ren knew his cover had been blown. After she left, he put his head in his hands. “It almost worked, if I could only avoid speaking.”

“Don't worry about it,” Haruka reassured him. “To anyone else you're still fine.” 

Ren sighed in response and picked up his menu. The waitress returned with their drinks, causing Ren to look up, but he immediately ducked back down behind the menu. Coming towards him from the door was a group of his classmates, about to be seated somewhere nearby.

The waitress took their orders, and subsequently their menus, leaving Ren to squirm uncomfortably without anything to hide behind. He could see now that his schoolmates were seated at the table just beside theirs, in full view of him, if they cared to notice.

“Are you okay?” Haruka asked.

“I know those guys,” Ren whispered, gesturing to them.

“Do you want to change tables?”

“No, that would only draw attention,” Ren replied. He turned his head away from them and kept his voice low while he spoke with Haruka until their food arrived, at which point he couldn't hide his face any longer.

“Enjoy!” The waitress smiled, setting their plates before them. Ren noticed the odd way her expression changed as soon as she thought he couldn't see her anymore, but he didn't let that get to him. He was more concerned about his three schoolmates.

“Hey, look over there,” Ren heard one of them say to the others. “Think that's his sister, or do you think he's a lolicon?”

“Dude, that chick has no shape,” one of the others replied. Ren pretended he couldn't hear them, but he could tell Haruka was listening, and the look on his face was one of annoyance.

“Do you think that's even a girl?” The third boy added. “Look at those legs. How many girls do you know with calves like that? And those big feet.”

“Wait a sec,” the second boy stared so hard at Ren that he could almost feel his eyes burning holes through him. “Doesn't she look kind of familiar?”

“Eat,” Haruka said, momentarily bringing Ren out of their conversation. “Or it'll get cold.”

“R-right,” Ren replied. He watched Haruka, noticing that he was still keeping his ear on the conversation going on beside them, as if waiting for them to say just the wrong thing.

“Hey, hold on!” The first boy exclaimed. “Is that- is that chick Ren Tachibana?”

“What?!” The other two whispered excitedly.

“Oh my God, I think you're right,” the third boy snickered. “What the fuck?”

“Does he have some sort of secret fetish?”

“So, Ren,” Haruka asked. “How long is this bet supposed to last?” 

Ren, who could only pick aimlessly at his food, looked up at him with tear filled eyes. “Just today,” he replied. “I have to wear it all day today.”

“Is that so?” Haruka nodded, returning to his food.

“A bet?” One of the boys next to them whispered. “So it's a bet?”

“Dude, if we can hear them, do you think they can hear us..?”


	10. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With lunch turning into a disaster, Haruka has to do some quick thinking to cheer Ren up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things occur to me. One, this chapter puts us past the halfway point for revising the chapters that were already written. Two, I have totally forgotten I have to have it set to Rich Text for the italics to transfer, and therefore have had no italics up to now. Oops.

Ren stared at his plate with a reddened face. He fought to hold back the tears that tried to form, though a few ran freely down his cheeks. He wished he had never agreed to this stupid plan. Opposite him, Ren glanced up to see Haruka glaring openly at the three boys. He dared to look over and saw them all leaning in close to each other, staring back nervously and whispering things he couldn't hear.

 

“Haru, can we just go?” Ren pleaded.

 

Standing from the table and coming closer to them, one of the boys dared to ask, “Tachibana-kun, is that you?” It looked as though the group had elected him to be their spokesperson. The other two waited anxiously behind him.

 

“Leave me alone,” Ren replied, turning his face away.

 

“So it is you.” The boy gulped, nervous under Haruka's gaze. “Is, um, is this your, uh... boyfriend, or something?”

 

“Eh?!” Ren's eyes went wide and his face went even redder.

 

“Why would you assume that?” Haruka asked coolly.

 

The boy flinched. “Well, um, y'know, it kind of looks like you two are on a date,” he replied.

 

“So what if we are?” Haruka's glare intensified, sending a visible shiver down the boy's spine. Ren could only stare at the floor and listen in his humiliation.

 

“I-it's just, I mean, weird,” the boy stammered, and he instantly regretted his phrasing. “I mean, that is, I'm in the same class as Tachibana-kun, so to see him this way...”

 

“What about it?”

 

“Haru, please, can we just go?” Ren begged, covering his face with his hands.

 

“It's obvious these assholes have questions,” Haruka glowered at the two cowards still waiting and listening safely from their table. “It might be best for all if we clear the air right now.”

 

“H-hey!” The standing boy objected. “Who are you calling assholes?”

 

“Anyone familiar enough with someone to use '-kun' but who doesn't even notice when they're upset is an asshole,” Haruka chided. “It's not like this is normal for him.”

 

“Haru, _please,_ ” Ren wished he could just disappear. Fall through the floor, turn invisible, get sucked into a wormhole, anything but to have to sit here and endure this.

 

“No, let him speak,” the kid said indignantly, adding, “Tachibana- _chan_ ,” with a grin.

 

Haruka stood up and glared down at him.

 

The two boys at the table stood up and came over to stand behind their friend. “Hey, what's going on?” One of them asked.

 

“Is this pervert threatening you or something?” The other spat.

 

“Stop it!” Ren cried. By now the entire restaurant had stopped to look at them and a manager was coming over.

 

“I never would've pegged you for this kind of kink, Tachibana-chan,” one of the boys sneered.

 

“It's not a kink!” Ren responded furiously. “I lost a bet! It's my sister's fault!”

 

“Suuure.”

 

“Excuse me,” the manager interrupted. “Is there a problem?”

 

“Just a couple of perverts,” the indignant boy replied.

 

“More like a few gossiping teens who don't know how to mind their own business,” Haruka added. Being the only adult in the group, the manager asked Haruka what was going on, and politely requested that the three boys leave, but Haruka said “don't bother,” paid their bill, helped Ren up, and left.

 

Ren was mortified. Before they got there, he hadn't been feeling too bad about it. Even when the waitress realized it, he wasn't so bothered that he couldn't get over it. But when he saw his classmates walk in, when he heard them talking about him, he knew that was it. Still, he was surprised that they would approach him. The thought of what he would face in school the next day made him feel sick.

 

“I'm sorry,” Haruka apologized. “I shouldn't have invited a confrontation like that.”

 

“No,” Ren replied, flustered. “You stood up for me. Once they recognized me it was only a matter of time before I faced their teasing. I'm just afraid of what everyone at school will say.”

 

“Do you want me to talk to your teacher?” Haruka offered.

 

“No,” Ren shook his head, his eyes finally starting to clear. “Maybe, if we tell Ran about it, she can intercept them and start asking what they thought of her handiwork, and maybe they'll be put off from teasing me over it.”

 

“Maybe,” Haruka sighed. “I'm really sorry...”

 

Ren grabbed Haruka's hand. “Why is it all I could do was sit there and cry?” He asked. “Maybe I really am a girl.”

 

“It's okay for boys to cry,” Haruka replied soothingly. “My ex-boyfriend used to cry all the time.”

 

“Wait, you've had a boyfriend?!” Ren blurted without thinking. He covered his mouth and looked away, embarrassed by his outburst.

 

“Yeah,” Haruka smiled wistfully. “I guess I never told you and Ran about it. But that doesn't matter now, it's in the past.”

 

“So, you like boys?” Ren prompted. His heart was beating so fast he thought he it might explode. He wasn't sure why he dared to ask the question, but he decided to blame it on adrenaline.

 

“Does that make you uncomfortable?” Haruka asked. 

 

“N-no,” Ren replied shyly. “Not at all, really!” He and Haruka walked together quietly for a while. Ren still held on to Haruka's hand, and Haruka didn't seem to mind. Despite all that had just transpired, Ren found himself smiling a little. He could feel Haruka's pulse through his hands and wondered if he had noticed that his heartbeat was quickening.

 

“When we get back, why don't you change back into your normal clothes?” Haruka suggested.

 

“But the bet-”

 

“Ran will understand.”

 

Ren knew he was right. And he was glad. The sooner he changed back into his usual self the better he would feel. Still, the way Haruka was absentmindedly running his thumb over his fingers made Ren wish the walk back could be just a little longer.

 

When they returned, the house was still empty, and Ren let them in with his key. He could still feel the warmth from where Haruka's hand had been even after he let go and touched the cold doorknob. He tried to remember that feeling after they got inside and he went into his room to change, but once he was out of Haruka's sight, Ren collapsed to the ground and began to cry. Unlike the restrained tears he'd shed in the restaurant, these tears came in uncontrollable sobs.

 

“I'm going to be the laughing stock of the whole school!” He wailed miserably. “I bet those three have already started telling their friends...” Ren picked himself up and dragged himself over to his bed, where he began to shed his feminine attire. With tears still flowing from his eyes and snot running from his nose, Ren grabbed his pillow and cried out into it, the skirt still hanging around his ankles and his bare chest taking no comfort from the soft cotton pillowcase as he squeezed it tighter.

 

Ren whimpered when he heard a knock at the door.

 

“Ren?” Haruka called. “Are you okay?”

 

“I'll come out when I'm ready!” Ren cried. “I want to be alone!” He didn't want Haruka to see him this way. He was sure the make-up Ran had put on him was completely ruined- he could see it smeared all over his pillowcase. He probably looked just like a girl who got dumped, except for being only half dressed.

 

“I'm coming in,” Haruka replied, ignoring Ren's wishes.

 

“No!” The upset teen protested, but Haruka had already opened the door. He stood in the doorway for a moment and stared at him, the slightest look of shock crossing his face before he closed the door behind himself and came inside. “Don't look at me!” Ren mumbled, burying himself in his pillow.

 

“Ren,” Haruka took him by the shoulders. “Look at me.” He waited until Ren reluctantly peeked out at him. “I'm sorry. It's my fault. If you want to get mad at me, I understand, but please don't cry.”

 

“But that's just it, Haru!” Ren yelled in exasperation. “It's not your fault! Stop apologizing! It's my fault! It's Ran's fault! We're the ones who came up with this stupid idea!”

 

“But I-”

 

“You were only reacting to their antagonism,” Ren clenched his fists. “This was all Ran's idea, and I agreed to it! I was the one who agreed to leave the house, too! It's my own stupid fault!”

 

“Ren...” Haruka appeared at a loss for words. Comforting was never his strong suit, and Ren was just as glad for him to be silent at this moment. All he could do was choke down more sobs and dig his fingers into his pillow.

 

“Leave me alone,” he demanded hoarsely. Haruka sighed and stood up, but he didn't leave. Instead, he dug through Ren's dresser and pulled out fresh clothes. “I can get dressed myself,” Ren argued.

 

“I see that,” Haruka retorted. “You're doing such a fine job of it.” He took the pillow from Ren, grabbed him firmly by the arm, and pulled him up off the bed.

 

“Hey!” The teen objected. “What are you doing?! Let go!”

 

“Your face is a mess,” Haruka said irritably. “Let's get you cleaned up before you try to pull your shirt on.” Ren struggled against Haruka, but he lost out to the older man's size and strength. He found himself being pulled to the washroom, where Haruka started the hot water running.

 

“I can do it myself,” Ren sniffled, grabbing a washcloth and some soap. Haruka stood by and watched as Ren begrudgingly scrubbed his face. “See?”

 

“You have raccoon eyes,” Haruka commented, taking the washcloth and gently wiping around Ren's eyes until the black rings were gone. “Rinse,” he instructed, and Ren obeyed. When he came back up there was still a smudge on his cheek that Haruka quickly removed. “Doesn't that feel better?”

 

“I guess so,” Ren grumbled. After drying himself off, he let Haruka lead him back to his room and changed clothes. “Haru,” he said meekly. “I'm sorry I snapped at you.”

 

Haruka sighed with relief and pulled Ren into a hug. “It's okay,” he whispered. He held Ren long enough for their breathing to synchronize, and when they finally pulled apart, Ren thought he could see tears on Haruka's cheeks. He didn't comment on it, or on the redness around Haruka's eyes. Instead, he took Haruka by the hand and led him out into the living room.

 

“Since everyone else will be out for a while, why don't we stay in and take it easy?” He suggested, falling back onto the couch with a sigh.

 

Haruka sat beside him and placed his hand atop Ren's. “You're a good kid, Ren,” he smiled. “Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.”

 

“Thanks,” Ren smiled shyly in return, a light blush on his cheeks. He couldn't help but think that this would be a good time to lean in and kiss Haruka, which only made him blush harder. He dared not do it, though. He'd had enough humiliation for one day without taking that kind of risk. Instead, he resigned himself to leaning against Haruka's shoulder. He thought he could fall asleep there after exhausting himself crying so much, but the next thing he knew, Haruka was standing up again.

 

“I'll be right back,” he said, walking away. Ren's shoulders sagged and he waited quietly for him to return. When he did, he was carrying some of Ran's things. “Here,” he said, handing them to Ren. He could see now that they were hair accessories and make-up. “I'll finish the bet for you. I can't fit into the clothes, but you can do my hair and put make-up on me.”

 

“Haru, no, this is silly,” Ren said dismissively, handing the things back to Haruka.

 

“Is that what you thought when you did it?” Haruka asked.

 

“Well, yeah,” Ren replied.

 

“It didn't stop you then,” Haruka pushed the accessories and make-up back to Ren. “Go ahead. If nothing else it'll make me feel better, and hopefully we can both have a laugh when you're done.”

 

“Do you think Ran will mind that we're messing with her make-up?”

 

“Once she sees me she'll probably be too busy laughing to say anything,” Haruka grinned mischievously.

 

“What if I surprise you and do a good job of it?” Ren asked teasingly.

 

“Then she has nothing to be upset over.” Haruka positioned himself so that Ren could easily reach his face and closed his eyes while Ren was working.

 

Ren found it harder than it looked to apply the make-up, especially around the eyes. He knew this wasn't going to be any sort of make-up masterpiece, but he was still a little proud of himself for getting the eyeliner to match on both eyes. Granted, it was too thick and the attempted wing-tips were more like black blobs, but they matched!

 

When Ran returned from her date with Momoka-chan, she stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she spotted Haruka and Ren. “What the-” she started, dropping her purse to the floor and stepping closer. Ren had finished with Haruka, topping off his look with some hair clips, and now Haruka was putting clips in Ren's hair.

 

“Welcome home,” Haruka called.

 

“H-Haru-chan, your face!” Ran couldn't contain herself. She burst into laughter, falling down to the ground before she could finally stop and breathe for a moment. “Why are you guys doing this? Why'd Ren change?” She wheezed.

 

“There was a bit of an incident at the restaurant,” Haruka replied, his embarrassed smile falling to a frown. “I thought this might cheer Ren up.”

 

“Incident?” Ran asked seriously, her humor gone.

 

“Three guys from our class were there,” Ren replied without making eye contact. “They recognized me, and, in short, I'm kind of terrified of going to school tomorrow.”

 

“Oh, no,” Ran's face wrinkled with worry. “Ren, are you okay?”

 

“I'm alright now,” he replied, putting on a brave face. “Haru got me through it.”

 

“Is he really okay, Haru-chan?” Ran asked, seeing through Ren's facade and noting his still-reddened eyes.

 

“He cried it all out.,” Haruka told her. “He seems to be okay now.”

 

“Don't talk about me like I'm not here!” Ren grumbled, adding an “ouch!” when Haruka tugged too hard on his hair to make a clip stay in.

 

“How did things go with Momoka-chan?” Haruka asked, changing the topic before Ren grew too uncomfortable. He was sure he would fill his sister in on the details in private later.

 

“Wonderful!” Ran exclaimed, bouncing up to her feet again. “She's decided to defy her mom and rely on her dad for support, and keep dating me despite her mother's threats! We're officially back together!”

 

“That's great,” Haruka smiled softly at her.

 

“I bet you were happy to hear that,” Ren commented.

 

“Of course!” Ran beamed. “Man, I was feeling great until just now, hearing what happened to you. I wish things had gone better. I should never have suggested that, huh?”

 

“Yeah, well,” Ren fumbled. He didn't want to pin all of the blame on her, even though it was her idea. “I still agreed to it.”

 

“I think the lesson here,” Haruka added, “is not to go betting on my shopping habits anymore.”

 

“Sorry about that, Haru-chan,” Ran grinned innocently. “Well, I think I'm going to hang out in my room for a bit. When you guys are done making a mess of yourselves, make sure you put everything back where you got it.”

 

“Right,” Haruka replied. He pulled a compact out from the make-up kit and held it out for Ren.

 

“Hey, not half bad!” Ren exclaimed, examining his hair.

 

“I used to do Ran's hair when you guys were little,” Haruka reminded him. “Is it really so surprising?”

 

“Heh, I guess not,” Ren put the compact back and swished his head back and forth to feel the weight of the clips. “How do girls put up with this stuff all day?”

 

“Dunno,” Haruka shrugged. “But it's cute.”

 

“What, me, or girls?”

 

“Both,” Haruka grinned. Ren suppressed a smile at the compliment, but his cheeks went red against his wishes. “You're cute, Ren.”

 

“Th-that's not something you say to a guy!” Ren objected, his face growing redder as he broke eye contact.

 

“Sorry,” Haruka chuckled.

 

Ren composed himself and looked up at Haruka. “Geez, that really looks ridiculous,” he sighed. “Why don't you go wash it off?”

 

“What, don't I look cute?” Haruka asked teasingly.

 

“No, not like that,” Ren replied. “You're much cuter when you're yourself.”

 

“Is that so?” Haruka smirked, leaving to remove the offending cosmetics before Ren had a chance to correct himself. Ren sat, red-faced, wondering if he had just been tricked.


	11. Did Ren Just?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka has a confession to make, and Ren's emotions get the better of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the violence warning on this fic? This is the chapter. I kind of regret making it go in this direction but since I'm just doing minor edits to things like grammatical and punctuation mistakes, I decided to leave the story alone and just change a few words to make it a little less graphic. This chapter contains self-harm.

After the incident at the restaurant, when everyone was home, Haruka tried his best to pretend like nothing had happened. He knew Ren would want to talk to his sister about it, and he was sure Makoto should know, but when it came time for his parents to return home, Ren had asked that Haruka not talk about it around them. Haruka understood and wanted to respect his wishes.

 

Haruka told Makoto about it later, while they were alone. He tried to phrase it as gently as possible, but being the typical worrier that he was, Makoto still showed concern and wanted to rush over to the twins' room and talk to Ren. Haruka held him back, instead changing the topic to Makoto's second interview.

 

“They seemed happy with me,” Makoto smiled. “I should hear from them tomorrow.”

 

“So soon?” Haruka asked. He grabbed his pajamas and began changing.

 

“Yeah,” Makoto replied nervously. “I guess after the first interview, they already had a good idea of what I was like.”

 

“That's true,” Haruka agreed quietly. “Would you be happy with this job, if they offer it to you?”

 

“Of course!” Makoto smiled enthusiastically. “Working as a teacher is what I want to do. I love being around kids, and these special needs students are no different. I feel that this is a great opportunity for me, if I get the job.”

 

“That's good,” Haruka smiled. After a pause, he added, “I wish I could be scheduling interviews.”

 

“Don't worry over it too much,” Makoto said calmly. “I'm sure you'll get something before long. And it's not like my parents would kick you out or anything.”

 

“I don't want to be a burden on them,” Haruka grimaced. “And besides, we were planning on sharing an apartment. How can that happen if we don't both get jobs at the same time?”

 

“I can commute until you find something,” Makoto suggested. “Stop worrying. If it'll make you feel better, fill out more applications tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah,” Haruka sighed. He knew Makoto was right; something would turn up before long, and in the meantime, he was still going to have a place to sleep. If he was being honest with himself, Haruka would admit that his anxiety was not in finding a job, but in acknowledging the truth. Still, if there was anyone who could bring that truth out of him, it was Makoto.

 

“You're worried about something else, aren't you?” Makoto asked, his gentle green eyes watching Haruka knowingly.

 

Haruka, who had finished changing and had taken to sitting on his futon, staring at it blankly, raised his head. Makoto's habit of reading Haruka's thoughts was usually unwelcome, but this time, Haruka thought it might be nice to get it off his chest. “It's Ren,” he replied, averting his eyes from his best friend.

 

“You're worried about how things will go tomorrow?” Makoto wondered.

 

“That too,” Haruka sighed. “But not entirely.”

 

“What is it?” Makoto asked. Even though he could read Haruka, if his suspicions were correct, he thought it would be better if Haruka told him of his own accord.

 

“You already know, don't you?” Haruka deflected the question, sending the ball back into Makoto's court.

 

“You like Ren?” Makoto guessed. Haruka's further avoidance of eye contact, along with the blush on his cheeks, told Makoto that he was correct. “You don't have to be embarrassed. I've already said I wouldn't mind you dating one of my siblings.”

 

“It's not that,” Haruka sulked. “I'm ashamed of myself.”

 

“Why? What is there to be ashamed of?”

 

“I'm too fickle,” he declared. “As quickly as I was over my crush on Ran, I developed a crush on Ren. It's shameful.”

 

“You're being too hard on yourself,” Makoto soothed.

 

“It doesn't feel right,” Haruka argued. “He's so much younger than me, and I've known him his whole life. It's weird.”

 

“Those same things apply to Ran, too,” Makoto reminded him.

 

“But this is different!” Haruka objected, finally looking Makoto in the eye again. “I really care about Ren.”

 

“It's more than a crush?” Makoto could tell by the look in Haruka's eyes what his true feelings were, and he sighed. “Haru, it's nothing to be ashamed of.”

 

“Makoto,” Haruka pleaded, “I don't want to mess up my current relationship with him any more than I already have.”

 

“You haven't messed anything-”

 

“I have!” Haruka burst out. “He'll say it wasn't my fault, but I made the situation in the restaurant worse. That incident hurt him, and I can't forgive myself for it.”

 

“Haru...” Makoto muttered. He sighed. “Don't worry. I'll help you.”

 

Haruka's eyes lit up. “Help me?” He repeated.

 

“I'll help you get closer to Ren,” Makoto promised. “But to start with, stop feeling guilty and just continue to be yourself around him.”

 

“...Thanks.” Haruka blushed.

 

He didn't realize that behind Makoto's gentle smile, he was dying to blurt out that Ren felt the same way for him. It took everything Makoto had not to get the two together and tell them each other’s feelings for them.

 

In the morning, Haruka kept an eye on Ren, trying to gauge his anxiety before he left for school. He could tell that, despite his assurances that he was fine, he was really rather nervous. His hands were shaking, and he could barely tie his own tie. Haruka swallowed his guilt and put on a reassuring smile when he said his goodbyes to the teens as they left together.

 

A few hours later, Makoto received his anticipated phone call, and Haruka was the first to hear the news. Makoto was offered a position as an assistant teacher. He would be working under a well-respected woman who had been teaching at the school for many years, and after she felt he was sufficiently trained, he would take over and she would retire. Haruka offered his sincere congratulations and couldn't help but smile at the sight of his best friend bouncing around the room so excitedly.

 

Haruka passed the rest of his time waiting for the twins to come home by making follow-up calls and filling out more applications. When he heard the door open, he closed his laptop and turned his attention to the entryway, waiting to see the faces of the two teenagers.

 

“We're home!” Ran called, being the first to appear. Her expression gave nothing away. Ren followed behind her, his expression a little more telling, with his head hung low and his mouth down turned.

 

“How'd it go?” Makoto asked. Haruka waited for the answer with his full attention.

 

“At first, it was okay,” Ren mumbled. “It didn't seem like they'd told anyone, so I pretended like nothing was wrong. But then they started calling me 'Tachibana-chan' again, and some of our classmates got curious.”

 

“Did they say anything?” Haruka asked. “Are you alright?”

 

“I'm fine,” Ren sighed. “At least for now.”

 

“For now?” Makoto repeated.

 

“They got really creepy after that,” Ran chimed in. “I told them it was all my doing, and they said that I could be responsible, then, by going out with them in exchange for their silence.”

 

“They said that?!” Makoto exclaimed. “Who are these boys?”

 

“It's okay,” Ren insisted. “I told Ran not to worry about it and to ignore them. If they try anything with her, I don't care if they tell the whole world, I won't relent on them.”

 

“So, if Ran doesn't go out with them,” Haruka started.

 

“Which she won't,” Ren emphasized firmly, looking pointedly at his sister to make sure she understood.

 

“Then they'll talk?”

 

“That's how it sounded,” Ren sighed. “But, honestly, I'd rather they get it over with than to have them holding it over me forever.”

 

Haruka looked down at the floor guiltily.

 

“Stop that.”

 

“What?”

 

“Stop looking responsible,” Ren demanded. “It only makes me feel worse.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Haruka apologized. He suppressed his guilty feelings and walked over to Ren to ruffle his hair. “I'm sure everything will be fine.”

 

“That's more like it,” Ren chuckled nervously. “Even if it's a lie, that's what I need to hear right now.”

 

“It's not a lie,” Haruka assured him. “It might take time, but it'll be forgotten about, and you'll be able to move on.” He hoped that in time, he could, too.

 

For the rest of the day, everyone's attention was on Makoto, celebrating his new job. He and his dad ended up making a run to the liquor store to make it a proper celebration, and by the end of the evening, the adults had to help each other to their rooms. Haruka didn't wake up until almost noon the next day, and he didn't leave his bed until well after that. Somehow, Makoto was doing much better, and was able to be awake to send his siblings off to school.

 

Later, Haruka was relieved to learn that the three boys were still keeping Ren's secret, though he realized that they were probably serious about telling if Ran didn't agree to go out with them. It was still nice to see Ren a little more carefree that evening, though, as he sought Makoto's help with homework and laughed at the TV. There were no tears or hints of anxiety to be found in him.

 

If only that had remained the case.

 

The next day, after school, Haruka learned that word had gotten around about Ren's crossdressing. Ran was the one to explain it to him, and to Makoto, who was ready to hunt the three boys down and slay them. When they got home, Ren had gone straight to his room and locked himself in.

 

“Would one of you go and check on him?” Ran asked, after finishing her explanation. “I'm afraid he won't listen to me anymore.”

 

“You should go, Makoto,” Haruka told the teen's brother.

 

“I actually think you might do better with him,” Makoto admitted.

 

Haruka didn't understand, but he agreed to go and speak with him nonetheless. Knocking on the door, Haruka called, “Ren, it's me, open up.” He heard a drawer close and footsteps approach before the door opened. “Can I come in?” The door opened fully to allow him inside.

 

“I don't really want to talk about it,” Ren sniffled.

 

“Okay,” Haruka replied calmly, taking a seat on Ren's bed.

 

Ren paced around in front of him for a short while before sitting beside him. “Everyone was laughing at me behind my back,” he confessed. “Whenever I walked past, they would whisper to each other.”

 

Haruka put his arm around Ren's shoulders. “Did the three boys say anything?” He asked.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Ren replied, leaning into Haruka. “Even when I was right there, they would talk about it within earshot of me, telling everyone in our class. It spread beyond just there, though.”

 

“Did anyone get physical with you?” Haruka asked, serious concern in his tone of voice.

 

“No,” Ren sighed. “Unless you count having a tampon thrown at me. But Ran diffused that situation. It was one of her friends... now ex-friend. Ran helped a lot, actually.”

 

“That's good,” Haruka felt relieved. Ren needed as many people on his side as possible, and there was no one better than his sister to help him out at school. “Do you think you can come out of your room for a little while? Isn't your favorite show on soon?”

 

“I guess,” Ren stood up and waited for Haruka before he left the bedroom. Ran and Makoto, who were in the living room, waiting, both looked relieved to see him, and especially to see him so calm.

 

“Leave it to Haru-chan to make Ren feel better,” Ran smiled. She went into the kitchen to help Makoto prepare a snack for everyone- rather, to prevent Makoto from burning the kitchen down as he attempted to make a snack for everyone.

 

Ren pulled Haruka over to the couch with him. “Will you sit with me?” He asked sheepishly. “I know you don't follow this show, but I'd really appreciate it...”

 

Haruka nodded and ruffled Ren's hair before sitting down. His applications could wait; Ren was more important right now. He wasn't at all interested in the show; he spent most of the time glancing over at Ren. Whenever something funny happened on screen, Haruka would look to see him laugh. When things got serious, Haruka thought it was kind of cute how Ren would start to lean forward, anxiously watching for the situation to change. Ren didn't even touch the snacks his siblings brought out for them, though Haruka did manage to get him to drink something.

 

When the show was over, Ren looked up at Haruka with a smiling face. Haruka couldn't help but blush; this was the Ren he liked best. Happy, worry-free, and looking at him with such clear, beautiful eyes... He almost couldn't stand it. When Ren drew in close to him, he had to fight the urge to pull him even closer. He blinked, and suddenly there were arms around his neck, and lips on his lips, kissing him with pent-up passion. His mind went blank and his pulse began to race; was this really happening? As quickly as it happened, Ren pulled away, his face beet red and his hands shooting up to his mouth to cover himself in horror.

 

“I- I..!” He stammered.

 

Haruka was still trying to understand what had just happened and was unable to speak. Before he could react, Ren stood up off the couch and ran to his bedroom.

 

“Haru-chan, what happened?” Ran asked, rushing over to him. “Did Ren just..?”

 

“Yeah,” Haruka breathed, touching his fingers to his lips in disbelief.

 

“Oh no,” Ran panicked. “Oh, no! Haru-chan, you have to go after him!”

 

“Why are you so freaked out?” Makoto asked. “I'm sure he's just embarrassed. Once he calms down-”

 

“That's just it!” Ran exclaimed. “I don't think he will calm down! I'm scared! I promised not to tell but I have to now!”

 

“Tell what?” Haruka asked. His heart was still pounding, but for a different reason now.

 

“At school, Ren opened his locker and found lots of bad stuff put in there by our classmates,” Ran explained. “One of them was a note that said 'Go kill yourself' and had a razor blade attached to it!”

 

“ _What?!_ ” Haruka and Makoto exclaimed in unison.

 

“He said he'd thrown it away but he was really upset when he said that and I didn't believe him!” Ran was shaking and beginning to cry. “You have to go after him!”

 

Haruka and Makoto both ran to the twins' bedroom. Makoto burst through the door and Haruka ran around him, running to where Ren was sitting on his bed. Though it was dimly lit, he could see that Ren was sobbing. Before he could make it to his side, Haruka could see Ren holding the blade to his wrist.

 

“Ren!” Haruka nearly shouted, grabbing the hand with the blade and prying it from his grasp.

 

“I'm sorry, Haru!” Ren cried. “I could just _die_!”

 

“Let me see,” Makoto took hold of Ren's other hand. His wrist had two cuts across it, and while they were bleeding, they didn't appear to be deep. “Ren, what were you _thinking_?” Makoto scolded.

 

“I don't know what came over me,” Ren sobbed, his shaking increasing with the level of everyone's voices. “I just really wanted to kiss Haru...”

 

“That's not what he's talking about,” Haruka said sternly. “Why did you cut yourself?”

 

Ren was silent.

 

“ _Ren!_ ” Haruka grabbed his shoulders and gave him a shake. “Do you have any idea what would have happened if you'd cut too deep?”

 

“I know,” Ren replied meekly.

 

“Then why did you do it?”

 

“I couldn't stand it anymore,” Ren slumped forward and heaved a heavy sob. “I just... I love you so much, and I kissed you without thinking. Everyone at school already thinks I'm a freak. They're the ones who told me to die... I just didn't care anymore. I needed to hurt.”

 

Haruka saw that Makoto was crying as he applied pressure to the cuts. “Do you understand the weight of what you've done?” Haruka asked. He set the blade aside, out of Ren's reach. “Forget about me. Think of your family. Makoto loves you, Ran loves you, your parents love you.”

 

“I know,” Ren croaked. His voice was hoarse and broken. “I'm sorry.”

 

“You didn't even give me a chance to respond,” Haruka added softly, cupping Ren's head in his hands and making him look him in the eye. “Ren, I care about you so, so much.” He finally felt his own eyes welling with tears. He was calming down enough for his emotions to show, and he cried, pulling Ren into an embrace. “Never think so little of yourself again.”

 

“I'm sorry, Haru,” Ren put his free arm around him. Makoto sat down beside him and embraced him from behind, sandwiching him between the two adults as they wept over him. Ren wept, too, mourning his mistakes and begging their forgiveness. Ran came in from the doorway, where she'd been watching, and took his hand. She didn't say anything, and she didn't have to. When Ren caught sight of her swollen red eyes, he understood.

 

 


	12. Take It Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: ALL of the emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rereading this part made me sad. I will try to get to the good parts again quickly.

Though Ren had begged and pleaded with his siblings and with Haruka, they had all agreed that this was far too serious to hide from his parents. When his mother came home from work, Makoto was the one to approach her and tell her what had happened. The four of them tried to come up with a reason as to why it happened, an excuse they could use on their parents, but they all realized that they would have to tell the truth. Each of them was nervous about it for varying reasons; Haruka was afraid that they would disapprove of his feelings for Ren, and of Ren's feelings for him.

 

When both parents were home, Haruka, Makoto, Ren, and Ran were all called out of their rooms. Makoto explained as much as he could, with Ran adding in the parts about the fake bet that led to the crossdressing, and Haruka admitting his part in the incident at the restaurant. Ren sat silent through the entire thing; his mother had called him out earlier, before his father was home, and looked over his cuts, and he hadn't spoken a word since except to say “Yes ma'am,” and “No ma'am.”

 

After everything was out in the open, everyone was dismissed except for Ren. The other three waited in Makoto's room, ears prickling at the occasional raised voice, though mostly unable to make out any words. Each of them had been reprimanded for hiding the situation at school, and they all felt guilt after their conversation with the Tachibana parents. They barely spoke in the nearly two hours that Ren was kept by his parents.

 

When he had finally been dismissed, Ren came looking for everyone else, finding them where he had expected them to be. Entering Makoto's room, he could tell by everyone's faces that they were still thinking about him. His own appearance was weary and his voice was hoarse when he spoke.

 

“I'm sorry, everyone,” he rasped.

 

Ran grabbed him and pulled him down onto Haruka's futon with her. “How are they?” She asked.

 

“How do you think?” Ren sighed. “They're disappointed, upset, and a little mad.” He raised his head to look at Haruka, who was sitting next to Makoto on the bed. “They want to speak to you in the morning.”

 

“Me?” Haruka asked. He gulped. Had he done something particularly wrong? Perhaps they wanted to speak to him about Ren's feelings for him, since that had been a major factor in everything that happened. Either way, Haruka was not looking forward to it.

 

“I'm exhausted,” Ren yawned. “I'm going to bed.”

 

“Goodnight,” everyone said out of habit, though they knew this would not be a good night for Ren.

 

Haruka stood up and took Ren by the arm before he could reach the door. “Wait.”

 

“What?”

 

Haruka planted a soft kiss on Ren's lips. It lasted only for a second before he pulled away again, but it left Ren breathless.

 

“Haru...” He murmured, his eyes fixating on Haruka's.

 

“Consider that my response,” Haruka blushed. He realized that he was still holding Ren's arm and he released it, his fingers brushing the bandages that covered Ren's cuts.

 

Ren pulled his arm away shyly. “Response?” He repeated. He was so emotionally drained that he couldn't comprehend anything beyond the thought that Haruka had just kissed him.

 

“If you hadn't run away at that time,” Haruka clarified.

 

Ren nodded and left the room in a daze, his eyes lingering on Haruka for a moment as he turned around in the doorway. It didn't take long for Ran to follow, leaving Haruka and Makoto alone.

 

The silence between them was killing him; Haruka had to hear Makoto say something. “Makoto.”

 

“Huh?” Makoto shook his head, as if being snapped out of a vivid memory. “What is it?”

 

“What do you think your parents want to talk to me about?” Haruka asked.

 

“Hmm...” Makoto thought it over, but he really didn't know. “I wish I knew,” he responded. “But it can't be that pressing or they would have brought it up tonight.”

 

“I guess,” was Haruka's dull response. The two men went to bed early that night. With everything that had happened, everyone forgot about supper, and it was rather early to be going to sleep. But with the high emotions everyone had experienced, none of them cared, and they all went to bed anyway.

 

When it was still early in the morning, Haruka got out of bed and met with the Tachibana parents in the kitchen, while Ren and Ran were just waking up for school.

 

“We're sorry you got dragged into our family's business, Haruka,” the father apologized. “It wasn't your responsibility as much as it was our children’s' to tell us what was going on. Last night, we reprimanded you along with them, forgetting that you're not our child, or even a child at all anymore.”

 

“We'd also like to make sure you understand that none of this is your fault,” the mother added kindly. Haruka had to disagree, but he held it in. He still felt he could have handled things better. “We want to make sure you don't feel like it's your fault because of Ren's feelings for you.”

 

“About that,” Haruka broached the subject cautiously. “Would... would it be alright if I went out with him?”

 

“Huh?” Both parents looked at him in confusion.

 

“Haruka, don't play along with him just to make him feel better,” the father cautioned.

 

“I'm not,” Haruka confessed. He couldn't look them in the eye as he said it. “I really do feel that way for him.”

 

“Well,” the mother looked at the father and shrugged. “I don't see a problem with it. We know Haruka is a good boy.”

 

“There's not really a whole lot we can do about it if that's how they both feel,” the father sighed. “Alright.” Haruka's eye lit up and he looked up at the two with pleasant surprise. “Just take it easy for a while, though, would you? Take it slow.”

 

“Sure,” Haruka agreed. He was relieved; he thought for sure they would have some objection.

 

After a little bit of idle chatter, the parents excused themselves to finish getting ready for work. When Haruka left the kitchen, he saw Ran coming towards him, and Ren was standing by the table, shying away as his parents walked past.

 

“How'd it go?” Ran whispered. Haruka stood in the entryway while Ran poured herself some cereal.

 

“Fine,” he replied, with a hint of a laugh.

 

“Just 'fine'?” Ran asked. “You sound awfully happy for it to have been just 'fine.'”

 

“I'll tell you about it later,” Haruka promised. Ren had slowly moved from the table over to where Haruka was. “Good morning.”

 

“Morning,” Ren replied sluggishly. He purposefully avoided Haruka's gaze as he got himself some breakfast.

 

“How are you feeling today?” Haruka asked. Even though Ren wouldn't look at him, Haruka kept trying, putting himself in his way to intentionally force him to acknowledge him. He didn't understand why Ren was behaving this way; hadn't he already showed him that he felt the same way for him? He didn't need to be afraid of him.

 

“Horrible,” Ren replied. “I feel horrible.” He sat at the table and pushed his cereal around in its bowl without really eating it.

 

“What's wrong?” Haruka prompted. He was surprised that Ran wasn't helping him out here. She usually spoke for her brother when he was being difficult like this, or at least would jump in to help question him.

 

“Everything,” Ren sighed. “I screwed up. I really screwed up. It was such a stupid thing to do, and I would take it back if I could.”

 

“But you can't,” Ran said harshly. “So now you have to deal with the consequences.”

 

“Consequences?” Haruka repeated. “Did something happen between you two?”

 

“Ran won't forgive me,” Ren cried. He finally looked up and Haruka caught sight of his swollen cheek. “She was so upset last night that after we went back to our room she started crying and hit me for being so stupid.”

 

“You deserved it!” Ran asserted. “That was a really hurtful thing you did.”

 

“I _know_!” Ren groaned. “I feel really shitty about it, okay? I'll never do it again!”

 

“Ren,” Haruka interrupted. “Are you okay to go to school today?”

 

“I...” Ren paused. Haruka could tell he had been asking himself that same question, and had yet to reach an answer. “I don't know.”

 

“I don't think he should go,” Ran added. “I don't trust him.”

 

“Don't trust me to what?” Ren argued. “Not give myself a paper cut?”

 

“If the others start to tease you again, or if, heaven forbid, you get another note like before, what will you do?” Ran raised her voice and was nearly yelling at him now.

 

“I won't do anything!” Ren promised. “I didn't... I didn't even want to do that yesterday. It was stupid. I said stupid things and I hurt you, I get it. _Believe_ me, I get it!”

 

“If you didn't want to do it then why did you?” Ran countered. She and Ren were both fighting back tears.

 

“I thought I'd ruined everything with Haru,” Ren admitted. “I was embarrassed, and panicked, and I felt like an idiot. Haven't you ever been so embarrassed that you could just... just kick yourself, or punch yourself? It was like that, but instead, I had it in my head that maybe the guys at school were right, maybe I was a freak. So I took out the razor and I looked at it. And then I just... I just did it, okay?!”

 

“Why did you say you wanted to die?!” Ran yelled, tears streaming down her face. “You didn't 'just do it' Ren, you said you wanted to _die!_ ”

 

“I don't know!” Ren yelled back. By now, everyone, including Makoto, who had been sleeping, was standing around them. “I didn't really mean it. I didn't want to die.”

 

“Ren, Ran,” their father said sternly. “That's enough. It's in the past now, so let's move on.”

 

“Just one more thing,” Ran insisted. She grabbed her brother's arms and pushed his sleeves up, examining his wrists closely. Of the two cuts, Ran could tell that one was deeper than the other; the second cut was barely a scratch. “I'm going to check you every day,” Ran told him, releasing him from her grasp.

 

“Ran, come on, I'm not going to do it again,” Ren pleaded. “You know more than anyone when I'm telling the truth.”

 

“You lied to me yesterday,” Ran reminded him. “You lied about throwing the note with the blade away, and then you hurt yourself. Any trust I had in you is gone and it's going to take a lot for you to earn it back.”

 

“Ran,” her father interjected. “I said that's enough.”

 

“Yes, sir.” Ran shot a look at her twin before heading for the door. “I'll walk by myself today.”

 

“Do you want to stay home today, Ren?” His mother asked gently. Whatever had transpired between them the night before, it was clear that his parents were ready to forgive him and help him through the rest of the torment he would likely be facing at school for a while.

  
“No,” Ren sighed, making up his mind. “If I don't show up, they'll think they've won.”

 

“You're sure you're up for it?” His father asked.

 

“Yeah, I'm sure,” Ren replied. He excused himself from the table, gave each parent a long hug, then left.

 

Haruka watched him go with a heaviness in his heart. Without Ran there to support him, he worried about the bullying even more. After everyone had left and it was just Haruka and Makoto, the two ended up sitting at the table with tea, staring aimlessly forward until at last Makoto broke the silence.

 

“So, you kissed Ren,” he said, warming his hands on his mug.

 

“Yeah,” Haruka replied. He took a sip of his tea and sighed. “I asked your parents if I could date him.”

 

“Oh?” Makoto watched Haruka, waiting for him to continue, but he seemed to still be spacing out. “And?”

 

“They said it was okay,” Haruka blushed. He took another sip of tea before adding, “But they want us to take it slow for a while.”

 

“That's great,” Makoto smiled. “Have you told Ren yet?”

 

“No,” Haruka sighed. “He was avoiding me this morning, and then he and Ran started to fight.”

 

“I see.” Makoto nodded. He appeared thoughtful as he rested his head on his hand. “I wonder why he was avoiding you.”

 

“I don't know,” Haruka shrugged. “It's possible he was avoiding everyone.”

 

“That might make sense,” Makoto agreed. “I wonder what my parents said to him last night. Maybe it has something to do with that.”

 

“Could be,” Haruka admitted. After this, both men became quiet, staring off into space once more.

 

When the twins returned from school, they returned together, though the air around them suggested that Ran was still being hard on Ren. She was texting as she walked, only throwing a quick greeting over her shoulder as she passed Haruka and Makoto.

 

“How did it go?” Haruka asked Ren as he changed out of his shoes.

 

“Well, I have enough feminine supplies to keep Ran stocked for a couple of months, my locker had 'tranny' scribbled on it, and there was a pair of girl's underwear in my desk,” Ren replied. “People still whispered when I walked past, but no one said anything to my face this time.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Not really,” Ren sighed. “I tried not to let it get to me, but seeing even my so-called friends look at me funny really hurts.”

 

“Is there anything I can do?” Haruka put a gentle hand on Ren's shoulder. He saw Ren's lips begin to quiver just before he threw himself at Haruka, hugging him tightly.

 

“Just say that you believe me!” He cried. “Believe me when I say that I'm sorry, that I'll never do it again, that I love you.”

 

Haruka's heart melted at his words and he put his arms around him tenderly.

 

“Please, believe me...”

 

“I believe you,” Haruka whispered the words in Ren's ear. He held him while he cried, rubbing his back and kissing his head. “It's okay,” he soothed. “You're okay.”


	13. It's Different Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka and Ren relentlessly tease Makoto.

On Friday afternoon, when Ren returned from school, he collapsed without a word into Haruka's arms.

 

“That bad?” Haruka asked, his arms under Ren's for support. Ren only nodded into his shoulder. “Stay strong, Ren. It will pass.”

 

“It's not so much that,” Ren said, pulling himself back up while still remaining in Haruka's embrace. “I mean, those three guys are still being jerks about it, but a lot of the others have calmed down now. What's bothering me is Ran.”

 

“She's still being cold to you?”

 

“Yeah,” Ren sighed. “I don't mind that she checks my wrists every so-often. If it makes her feel better, then it's fine, even though you and I both know I'll never do that again. But she doesn't acknowledge me in school, and she wouldn't walk home with me today. And last night, she ignored every attempt I made to talk to her, even when I apologized.”

 

“You and your sister have always been close,” Haruka commented. “Her being hurt by your actions is understandable. I'm sure she just needs some time.”

 

“I hope she doesn't need too much longer,” Ren murmured.

 

Haruka could tell that, more than the teasing and the lectures from his parents, Ran's cold shoulder was having the biggest impact. When Ran returned an hour later, she appeared closer to being back to her usual bubbly self, but one look at Ren and her smile faded. Haruka watched her expression change from sadness to anger the instant Ren turned to greet her and he wondered if Ran was really angry, or just trying to punish her twin. If it was the latter, it was working.

 

“Welcome home, Ran!” Ren greeted her. His sister acknowledged him with a curt nod before giving proper greetings to Haruka and Makoto.

 

“Sorry I'm late,” she said, putting on a smile for them. “I decided to spend some time with Momoka-chan after school today.”

 

“How is she?” Makoto asked. “Are her parents giving her any trouble?”

 

“Her dad is keeping things cool right now,” Ran grinned. “She actually said that he wants to meet me. I'm kind of nervous.”

 

“She must talk a lot about you,” her older brother said with a smile. Ran blushed and excused herself, heading to her bedroom to change.

 

“Geez,” Ren whined. “What's with that?”

 

“Try not to worry about it,” Makoto said comfortingly. “The fact that she's reacting this way just means that she cares. If she didn't love you, she wouldn't have been so hurt, and she wouldn't be acting this way.”

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Ren sighed. “But if she loves me that much, you'd think she'd find a way to forgive me.”

 

“Give her time,” Makoto replied.

 

That night, Ren found himself unable to sleep. Ran had continued to treat him coldly throughout the evening, despite his attempts to make up with her. He consulted his parents about it, but they told him the same thing Haruka and Makoto had. “Just give her time.”

 

Ren sighed and rolled over. Ran was sleeping soundly across from him, her phone on the floor after she fell asleep texting. A low rumble in the distance made Ren groan. “Not tonight,” he begged quietly. He ignored the noises for as long as he could, but when lightning began to flash through the curtains, he couldn't hide from his fear any longer. He tried to stick it out, hoping that maybe Ran would wake up and take pity on him, but she continued to sleep through the storm.

 

Nervously, Ren crept out of bed and out into the hall. He made his way to Makoto's room and slowly opened the door. “Onii-chan? Haru?” He whispered. Squinting in the darkness, he saw Haruka roll over and look up at him. “Um,” Ren hesitated. A roll of thunder above them told Haruka everything he needed to know, and he scooted over, lifting the covers for Ren. “Thanks.”

 

“Mhm,” Haruka murmured sleepily. Once Ren was under the covers, Haruka put his arms around him, pulling him close.

 

Ren was nervous about their close proximity, but he didn't object. He burrowed a little deeper under the covers, until his head was level with Haruka's chest and the blankets were blocking out the lightning. Haruka adjusted his hold on Ren so that his forearm was draped over the boy's side, allowing him to run his fingers up and down his back comfortingly. Ren was just barely conscious when the gentle motion stopped and Haruka's breathing slowed as he fell back to sleep.

 

In the morning, all evidence of the storm was gone, and Haruka and Ren were woken simultaneously by a yell from Makoto. “ _Oi!_ ” Ren pulled the covers off of his head and looked up to see his surprised and upset older brother looking down at them. “What's going on here?”

 

“It was storming last night,” Haruka replied casually, sitting up and looking his friend in the eye. “We didn't do anything but sleep.”

 

“What's wrong, Onii-chan?” Ren asked. “Last time it stormed I slept in Haru's bed and you didn't mind.”

 

“Last time you two weren't together,” Makoto grumbled. “It's different now.”

 

“I said we didn't do anything,” Haruka argued.

 

The three were interrupted by a light knock on the door. Ran entered, her eyes going straight to Ren. “Oh, thank God!” She exclaimed. “So this is where you've been!” She looked as though she'd been crying.

 

“Ran?” Ren tried his luck at talking to her. “What's wrong?”

 

“When I woke up, you weren't in our room,” she sniffled. “I thought you'd just gone to the toilet or something, so I waited and waited, and you didn't come back. I got up and looked around and you weren't anywhere!”

 

Ren stood up and cautiously approached her. “It stormed last night,” he explained. “You were asleep, so I came here.”

 

“I was afraid I'd been too hard on you, and you'd run away or something!” Ran cried.

 

Ren put his arms around her for a hug. He was relieved when she returned the gesture. “You _have_ been pretty hard on me,” he told her.

 

“I'm sorry,” Ran apologized, pulling away. “I was only being that way because I knew you were telling the truth, and I just wanted to make sure you understood how much I was hurt. I would never have behaved like that if I really thought you were still in danger of hurting yourself again.”

 

“Well, that's good to know,” Ren sighed. “Does this mean we can go back to normal now?”

 

Ran nodded. “Sorry,” she apologized again.

 

Ren and Ran decided to skip their club activities in favor of a little bonding time. They went for a walk, made lunch together, and played video games. Ren knew Ran was feeling better when she started throwing insults at him while they played. It usually made him mad, but this time he took it in stride, tossing his own insults back at her in a friendly rivalry.

 

At the end of the day, Ren was able to sit beside his sister at the dinner table and fight with her over the last piece of pork, just like they always did. He ended up losing when Ran asked him what it was like to kiss Haruka. His face went bright red and both of his parents stopped in their meals to look at him.

 

Even though they had given their blessings to Haruka to date Ren, Haruka had yet to mention this to him. In fact, Haruka had yet to actually ask him to be his boyfriend. They just sort of acted that way once they each knew how the other felt.

 

That night, while Ran was in the bath, Haruka pulled Ren aside. He decided it was time to make it official.

 

“What's up, Haru?” Ren asked him.

 

“I have permission from your parents,” Haruka said nervously. He didn't like talking about his feelings and almost preferred to let things go on naturally. But he knew it would mean a lot to Ren if he did this. “They said it's okay for us to date, as long as we take it slow.”

 

“They did?” Ren beamed.

 

“Yeah,” Haruka replied. “So, will you be my...” He stopped and cleared his throat. “Will you go out with me?”

 

“O-of course!” Ren replied enthusiastically. “Yes!”

 

Haruka smiled. They were both blushing. After staring at each other in a daze, Haruka broke eye contact and checked to make sure Makoto wasn't around. When he saw that they were alone, he put his hands behind Ren's head and pulled him in for a kiss.

 

Ren steadied himself by holding on to Haruka's chest. His lips tingled with want as Haruka deepened the kiss, and he found himself grasping at Haruka's shirt, balling it up in his fists as he silently begged for more. One of Haruka's arms trailed down to his waist and pulled them closer together.

 

“Haru,” Ren breathed between kisses. He was happy; he was so happy he felt like he could explode from it all.

 

After a few more kisses, each one softer than the last, Haruka relaxed his hold on Ren and stopped.

 

“Is something wrong?” Ren asked, a bit disappointed.

 

“I promised your dad we'd go slow,” Haruka replied, a little embarrassed. “I got a little carried away.”

 

“Oh,” Ren sighed. He was sad that they had to stop, but he understood. They had only just gotten together, even if they had known each other forever.

 

Sensing Ren's disappointment, Haruka made a suggestion. “Why don't we go out tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah!” Ren smiled. “We could go on a proper date.” He slid his arms around Haruka's neck and gave him a peck on the lips.

 

“Hey, now.” Ren and Haruka turned to see Ren's father standing nearby. “I know I said it was okay, but have a little mercy. All of my kids are growing up so fast, what with Makoto getting his first real job and now this. I don't even want to think about how many boyfriends Ran has had to hide from me.”

 

“Sorry,” Ren blushed. “I'll try not to kiss him around you for a while.”

 

“That's not exactly what I meant,” his father sighed. “Well, you're young. I guess I can't expect too much self-control from you. But try, okay?”

 

“I will!” Ren promised.

 

His dad gave a Haruka a look. “Slow, remember?”

 

Haruka nodded.

 

“Alright. Goodnight.” He waved to the two of them before retreating to his bedroom.

 

“In all that came out during that long sit-down, I can't believe no one's told your parents about Ran's girlfriend,” Haruka commented.

 

“It's probably best we keep it that way a while longer,” Ren replied. “I don't know how much more his heart can take.”

 

“Yeah,” Haruka agreed.

 

He and Ren made their date plans while they waited for Ran to finish in the bath. They decided that an afternoon date would be good, settling on going out for lunch and then walking around for a while. If it was warm enough, they might get ice cream. It was a simple, innocent plan that shouldn't give Ren's father any heart palpitations.

 

“Okay, I'm out!” Ran called. “Next!”

 

“That's my cue,” Ren said, standing up from the couch. They had decided to discuss their plans there, since Makoto would surely want to listen in. His silence from the dining table was approval enough that their date was fine, though he did stare occasionally when they were a little too quiet.

 

Before going for his bath, Ren thought it would be funny to mess with his protective older brother. “Play along,” he whispered to Haruka.

 

Haruka raised an eyebrow at him, waiting to see what he was going to do. He knew full well that whatever it was was aimed at getting a rise out of his best friend, and he decided it was worth the consequences to go with it.

 

“This'll be fun!” Ren said with a big grin. “C'mon!” He grabbed Haruka by the hand and started pulling him towards the bathroom.

 

“Hold it right there!” Makoto called, shooting up out of his chair like a rocket and racing towards them. “What do you think you're doing?!” He snapped, his face red and angry.

 

“Teasing you,” Ren laughed. The look of realization on his brother's face only made him laugh harder. “I knew you were listening!”

 

“Haru...” Makoto growled. “You should know better.”

 

“I'm hurt that you think so low of me that you assumed I was really going to defile your precious younger brother,” Haruka sulked. He wasn't being serious, but if it got Makoto off his back, he'd let him think he was.

 

“Wha- I,” Makoto stuttered. “Can you really blame me after what I woke up to this morning?!”

 

“I already told you,” Haruka said, now serious. “All we did was sleep.”

 

“You didn't have to sleep so close,” Makoto grumbled. “Ren, why didn't you come sleep in my bed?”

 

“You didn't wake up when I called inside,” Ren replied innocently. “I thought it would be okay to sleep with Haru, since it was fine last time.”

 

“Don't word it that way!” Makoto shuddered.

 

“What way?” Ren had to try not to crack a smile as he went on. “I slept with Haru last night. How else should I put it?”

 

Haruka fought back a smile as he watched Makoto's face contort into different variations of frustration. “Don't worry, Makoto,” Haruka said as calmly as possible. “I only touched him through his clothes.”

 

“You _what?!_ ”

 

“I rubbed his back a little to help him sleep,” he replied coolly. “But don't worry, I did it through his shirt.”

 

“ _Haru..!_ ”

 

“Hey,” Ran called. She walked over with her hair wrapped up in a towel. “What's going on?”

 

“Oh, just torturing Onii-chan,” Ren giggled.

 

“I'm going to bed,” Makoto announced grumpily. “And there had better not be any surprises when I wake up.”

 

“G'night!” Ran called after him.

 

While Ren took his bath, Haruka caught Ran up on everything that had happened with Ren and himself. From receiving permission to date to officially asking Ren out, Haruka blushed as he recounted the events to her and answered her questions.

 

“How did you feel the first time you kissed as a couple?” Ran squealed excitedly.

 

“I felt... good.” Haruka blushed. He wasn't good at expressing his feelings through words, but the little smile he got when he thought back on it spoke for him.

 

“So, I know how Ren feels about you, and I'm sure you know it too. He's head over heels for you,” Ran grinned. “How do you feel about him? I mean, is it a crush, is it like, or could it be love..?”

 

Haruka was caught off-guard by the question. He had never really considered it before; he knew it was more than a crush, and he knew that he felt love for Ren, but he had never considered if he was _in_ love with him. “I like Ren a lot,” he replied carefully. “And I feel a love for him, but I can't say if the love I feel is being _in_ love.”

 

“I think I get what you're saying,” Ran nodded. “You have a definite platonic love for him, and a definite romantic like for him, and probably a sexual like, too-” Haruka's face went bright red. “Haha, a definite sexual like, then. But you're not sure if you love him romantically yet?”

 

“That sounds about right,” Haruka replied.

 

“Considering you've only just started dating, I'd say that's a pretty good place to be,” Ran smiled encouragingly. “You seem like you really care a lot for him, Haru-chan. Both the way you always have, and as his boyfriend. I'll give you my full support!”

 

“Th-thanks,” Haruka murmured. His face began to return to its natural color.

 

Somehow, talking to Ran always left Haruka with something serious to think about. As he climbed into bed, he kept asking himself, “What do I say if Ren says he loves me?”


	14. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka and Ren have their first date.

“ _Ren!_ ” Haruka cried out, sitting bolt upright on his futon. His breathing was heavy and his body was covered in a cold sweat.

 

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he slumped forward. It had been a long time since he'd had a nightmare as vivid as that, and he caught his hands shaking as he raised them to pull back the covers. Looking around the room, he found himself alone. He was grateful that Makoto wasn't there; he was sure his friend would be worrying over him if he were.

 

Pushing the memory to the back of his mind, Haruka got up and calmed himself before going out of the room. He didn't want to alarm anyone; it had only been a dream, after all. He wasn't a child anymore, he didn't need anyone to fuss over him because of it.

 

When he finally emerged from Makoto's room, Haruka was greeted cheerfully by Ran. “Good morning, Haru-chan!”

 

“Morning,” Haruka returned quietly.

 

“Haru!” Ren called from across the room. “Good morning!” He was smiling at him shyly as he walked over.

  
“Morning,” Haruka said again. He felt a strange mix of relief and fear at the sight of him. On one hand, he was happy to see him, but on the other, his dream kept creeping up to the front of his mind.

 

“Last night, I was so excited I almost couldn't sleep,” Ren chuckled. “Looks like you didn't sleep too well, either.”

 

“I slept fine,” Haruka responded. He suddenly became self-conscious. He didn't want Ren to think anything was wrong. He wanted this date to go well and be a happy occasion for both of them. The idea that his distress was so apparent disturbed him.

 

“Oh, really?” Ren asked, a hint of disappointment in his voice. He shrugged it off and smiled. “Well, that's good then!”

 

“Yeah,” Haruka murmured. He sighed and went into the kitchen, passing Makoto on his way. They exchanged greetings, and Haruka was glad that Makoto didn't comment on his exceptionally subdued behavior. He was sure Makoto had noticed, but his friend knew him well enough to know that Haruka would prefer it not to be pointed out.

 

Haruka had slept so late that there were only a couple of hours before it was time for his date. He had been completely distracted the entire morning, but when he met Ren by the door, he put on a smile and tried not to worry about it.

 

“So, um,” Ren stammered, shutting the door behind him as they stepped outside. He had a slight blush on his cheeks, and he was smiling. “C-can we hold hands?”

 

Haruka took Ren's hand without a word and laced their fingers together. As they climbed down the shrine steps, Ren looked to Haruka, expecting him to say something, but Haruka continued to look forward silently.

 

“Haru?” Ren asked, stopping. “Are you okay?”

 

“I'm fine,” Haruka replied unconvincingly.

 

“Your hand is shaking,” Ren commented, giving his hand a little squeeze to try and calm him.

 

Haruka released Ren's hand and sat on the steps, putting his head into his hands.

 

Ren knelt on the step in front of him and lowered his head to try and see Haruka's face. “What's wrong?”

 

“Last night,” Haruka replied, continuing to block his face, “I had a nightmare.”

 

“A nightmare?”

 

“It was about _that,_ ” Haruka gulped. He didn't want to bring it up. He didn't want to reopen those wounds, but his mind wouldn't stop going there.

 

Ren frowned. He understood what “that” was and he felt a new wave of guilt wash over him. “What happened in the dream?”

 

“It was so real,” Haruka choked. He sounded as though he might be crying. “Makoto got the door open, and I rushed in, just like what really happened. But then... then I got to you and you slumped over in my arms. I shook you and called your name but you wouldn't wake up.”

 

Ren moved to sit beside Haruka and stared at the steps. He heard the quiet sounds of restrained crying and he leaned against Haruka. “It was just a dream, please don't cry,” he whispered comfortingly, though he himself felt almost ready to cry.

 

“It's not that,” Haruka said, raising his head and looking at Ren. His eyes were red and his cheeks were wet. A fresh tear fell from his eye. “It just made me realize.” He swallowed hard. “It made me realize how close I came to losing you. I was so focused on making sure you were okay, and then on our relationship, that it hadn't really hit me yet that you could have _died_. This, this date, this relationship, almost never was. It made me think about what life would be like without you, and it hurts.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Ren whispered.

 

“I'm not blaming you,” Haruka replied. “What happened is in the past. I know you'll never do it again. But the magnitude of what happened just kind of hit me all at once.”

 

“Haru, I want to tell you something,” Ren sniffled. “When I ran in there and took the blade out of my desk, I had a brief thought of really doing it- really trying to die. The idea of cutting lengthwise down my arm to end it all very briefly crossed my mind. But I didn't want to do it. I dismissed that idea as quickly as I'd thought it. I... I was never really trying to die. I couldn't do it, I didn't want to do it. I don't know why I said I did.” Ren grabbed Haruka's hand to steady his own shaking. “I know it doesn't mean much now, but if it helps chase away the nightmares, I want you to know these things.”

 

Haruka grabbed Ren and pulled him in close for a hug. He felt his warmth and drank in his smell, willing his presence to chase away the fear and sadness the nightmare had brought on. He was soothed by the breath on his neck, and the arms wrapped around him comforted him.

 

“I'm sorry,” Haruka apologized. “I didn't mean for our first date to turn out like this.”

 

“It's okay,” Ren replied gently. “I'd rather you tell me how you're feeling than pretend like nothing is wrong. Now _that_ would have been a poor first date.” Ren pulled away and flashed a shy smile at Haruka. “Let's go.”

 

“Yeah,” Haruka agreed, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. He figured Ren was right- it would have been unfair of him to hide it and continue on their date behaving strangely like he was. Now that everything was out in the open, he felt closer to Ren, as well as feeling more at ease.

 

Haruka and Ren stood, taking each other’s hands and continuing down the steps. They walked to a restaurant- decidedly not the same one as before- and were finally able to relax and enjoy each other’s company. They spoke casually of their lives, mostly Ren telling Haruka about school, and they laughed together over memories from years past. It brought a sense of relief to Haruka to see Ren smiling and laughing again.

 

After their meal, the couple decided to take a walk along the beach. Before they could get there, however, Haruka's phone rang.

 

“Sorry, I should answer this,” Haruka apologized, checking the number. He didn't recognize it, but for anyone to be calling him, it must have been important.

 

“It's fine,” Ren shrugged. He didn't want to be nosy and listen in on the conversation, but he couldn't help but be curious about Haruka's unusual behavior after he answered the call.

 

“Yes, that sounds fine,” Haruka said excitedly. “Yes, thank you. Goodbye.”

 

“Good news?” Ren asked.

 

“Great,” Haruka replied, the look of disbelief on his face giving way to happiness. “I have an interview.”

 

“Congratulations!” Ren cheered. “That's awesome!”

 

“Thanks,” Haruka blushed. He was excited, nervous, and happy, but he didn't want this to overshadow his excitement for the date they were currently on. Taking Ren's hand again, he couldn't help but swing their arms freely between them as they walked.

 

Walking along the beach felt nice to Haruka. It was still just a little too early in the year to swim, but it was warm enough that the two were able to take off their shoes and walk in the sand. They passed only a few people, who were mostly fishing from the shore and who paid them no mind.

 

“We should come back when it's warm and go swimming,” Ren suggested. “It doesn't have to be a date. We could bring Ran and Onii-chan, too. Though, I don't know if Onii-chan would want to come.”

 

“If the rest of us go, he probably would,” Haruka commented. “That sounds like a nice idea.”

 

“Yeah!” Ren grinned. “Maybe we could even have a picnic on the beach, too!”

 

“Sure,” Haruka agreed. He jumped when a wave snuck up and washed over his feet. The weather may have been warming up, but the ocean water was still ice cold.

 

Ren laughed and tried not to fall over when Haruka jumped sideways to avoid another splash. “I thought you liked water!”

 

“I _do,_ ” Haruka grunted. “Just not when it's _this_ cold.”

 

“Wanna go get ice cream?” Ren asked. When he realized how ridiculous that suggestion sounded, he added quickly, “Maybe you'll warm up on the walk to the store.”

 

“I have a better idea,” Haruka said slyly. He grabbed Ren by the waist and pulled him in for a kiss. After a few seconds, he let him go. “Now I feel much warmer,” he grinned.

 

“So do I,” Ren replied, a little flustered. “Do it again.”

 

Haruka cupped Ren's head in his hand and leaned in for another kiss. He felt Ren's hands come up to his shoulders and he stepped in closer. Curiously, he licked Ren's lips, and Ren responded by opening his mouth. The temptation was too strong; Haruka stuck his tongue inside. As soon as it made contact with Ren's, the nervous brunette pulled back.

 

“S-sorry,” he blushed furiously. “I've never done this before.”

 

“No, it's my fault,” Haruka sighed. “We're supposed to be going slow, and here I am trying to make out with you on a public beach.”

 

“Well, it's not like there's anyone around,” Ren shrugged. “But, yeah. It's not that I didn't like it- I did!- but, well, I've never done that before...”

 

“I understand,” Haruka smiled reassuringly. “Anyway, I think we could both use to cool off with that ice cream right now.”

 

“Yeah,” Ren chuckled. He took Haruka's hand and walked with him, inwardly freaking out that he'd felt Haruka's tongue. Haruka, whom he's loved since he was a child. Haruka, whom he never planned to confess to. Haruka, his... boyfriend. Just thinking about it made him grin with uncontrollable happiness.

 

When they reached the convenience store, they each picked out their ice cream, and Haruka treated. The cashier side-eyed them, perhaps disturbed by their sexuality, or perhaps by their age difference. But neither of them paid him any mind.

 

Haruka and Ren walked slowly. They finished their treats long before reaching the shrine steps and they walked together quietly, looking over at each other and smiling.

 

“Haru?” Ren asked as they approached the midpoint up the steps.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Three dates,” he said. “After three dates, it wouldn't be unreasonable to kiss like _that_ , right?”

 

“I suppose,” Haruka agreed, not really sure what the “rules” of dating were. It sounded alright to him, anyway.

 

“Alright.” Ren grinned mischievously. “Until then, we can still kiss normally, though, right?”

 

Haruka responded just the way Ren had hoped he would- by kissing him. It was quick and followed by a teasing grin. “Like that?”

 

“Was that normal?” Ren blushed. “It happened so fast I couldn't tell.”

 

“Then why don't you show me what you think normal is?” Haruka smirked.

 

Ren blushed and looked away. He hadn't properly kissed Haruka since the first time, the time that he ran away. Sure, he'd given him a quick peck or two, but this time he was faced with giving him a _real_ kiss. “Close your eyes!” He insisted. Haruka obliged, even so much as leaning in a little to help him out.

 

Ren took a deep breath to calm himself before draping his arms around Haruka's neck and pressing their lips together. He felt Haruka smile and couldn't help but smile back, effectively making it impossible to keep kissing.

 

“That didn't work very well, did it?” He asked.

 

“I couldn't help it,” Haruka replied, putting his arms around Ren's waist and smiling happily. “You were so nervous, it was too cute.”

 

“Cut it out,” Ren protested, pulling his arms back and shoving Haruka's shoulders playfully. “It's not cute to be nervous about kissing your boyfriend.”

 

“Yes it is,” Haruka smirked. “That's exactly what it is.”

 

“It's stupid,” Ren grumbled. “How come I still get butterflies about doing these things, even though I know it's okay?”

 

“I don't know,” Haruka shrugged. “But, nervous and short-lived as it was, it still got my heart racing.”

 

“Are you teasing me?” Ren pouted.

 

“Here,” Haruka grabbed Ren's hand and placed it over his heart. “See?” Sure enough, his heart was beating fast.

 

“Okay, I get it!” Ren blushed, taking his hand back. “Sheesh. We should probably go in before Onii-chan comes looking for us.”

 

Haruka nodded and reached for Ren's hand, but Ren defiantly shoved it in his pocket. “Are you really mad at me?”

 

“Not really,” Ren shrugged. “But if nervousness is cute, then just pretend I'm too nervous to hold hands.”

 

“Very funny,” Haruka frowned. He caught Ren grinning out of the corner of his eye as they climbed the last of the steps and he realized that this had turned into a game. Not wanting to lose, Haruka stopped just outside the door and leaned in close like he was going to kiss Ren, hesitating just a breath away from his lips before straightening up to kiss the top of his head. As a final blow, he stuck his tongue out and made a licking motion in the air.

 

Ren pursed his lips and tried not to blush, but he failed and subsequently gave up on the game. “Alright, alright,” he sighed, pulling his hands from his pockets and grabbing hold of Haruka's. “You win.”

 

Haruka smirked and leaned in for one last kiss before they went inside, officially ending their first date.


	15. Tell Me All About The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren tells Ran all about his date with Haruka, while Haruka pushes Makoto to his limit with his teasing.

“Welcome back!” Ran greeted as Haruka and Ren came inside. “Did you have fun?”

 

“Yeah, we did!” Ren replied with a smile. He reluctantly let go of Haruka's hand and began untying his shoes.

 

Makoto appeared around the corner and came to stand beside his sister. “You sure took your time. What took you so long?”

 

Haruka considered giving him a sarcastic response, but he didn't think Makoto could take that kind of teasing right now. Instead, he replied honestly, “We took a walk on the beach.”

 

“The beach?” Makoto raised his brow. “Isn't it too cold for that?”

 

“Not really,” Haruka shrugged.

 

“The sand was warm from the sun,” Ren commented. “It was nice.”

 

“Aww, I want to go to the beach!” Ran whined. “I can't wait ‘til it's warm enough to swim!”

 

“So, what else did you guys do?” Makoto pried, moving out of the way so that Haruka and Ren could come in the rest of the way. Everyone walked in the general direction of the dining room and Makoto leaned against the back of one of the chairs as he waited for a response.

 

“I got a call while we were out,” Haruka said, redirecting the conversation. “I have an interview set up for this week.”

 

“Oh, that's great!” Ran smiled excitedly. “Congratulations!”

 

“Way to go, Haru!” Makoto said with genuine enthusiasm. “Good luck!”

 

“Thanks,” Haruka replied quietly.

 

“Now, what else did you two do?” Makoto insisted, a falsely innocent smile creeping up into the corners of his mouth.

 

“For someone who said 'it's okay if you want to date one of my siblings,' you sure do mind that I'm dating one of your siblings,” Haruka griped.

 

“Onii-chan, you said that?” Ran asked.

 

“Well, yeah, but-”

 

“But?” Haruka questioned, his eyebrow raised. He expected Makoto to be protective, but was he actually reconsidering his approval?

 

“But that was before I woke up and found the two of you in bed together!” Makoto blushed.

 

“I told you we didn't do anything!” Haruka argued, blushing a bit himself.

 

“I know, I know,” Makoto sighed. His shoulders slumped. “I can't help it, he's my little brother.”

 

“You don't act this way when Ran comes home from a date,” Ren pouted.

 

“That's true,” Ran agreed. “Why is that, Onii-chan? Don't you care?”

 

“O-of course I care!” Makoto replied quickly, waving his hands in a flustered manner. “But you're dating someone your own age and experience level. Haru is older and more experienced than Ren, so-”

 

“More experienced?” Ran asked.

 

Realizing what he'd said, Makoto froze, embarrassed.

 

“Makoto,” Haruka stared his best friend down threateningly. “What are you implying?”

 

The green-eyed man recomposed himself and stepped closer to Haruka. “I turned a blind eye to a lot of things when you were dating Rin in high school,” he whispered to him. “I won't allow those sorts of things with my little brother.”

 

“Oh, _that_ kind of experience,” Ran murmured with a mischievous grin.

 

Makoto flinched; he hadn't intended her to hear that.

 

Ran pulled her twin aside. “It sounds like they're going to be a while, why don't you come tell me all about the date?”

 

“O-oh, yeah, sure,” Ren replied, though he was really more interested in hearing what Haruka and Makoto were talking about. He left Haruka with a wistful glance before following his sister to their room. Haruka's response was a slight nod offered between fiercely exchanged whispers with Makoto.

 

Once in their room, Ran grabbed Ren's hands excitedly and asked, “Okay, spill! What happened?”

 

Ren jumped back at her sudden enthusiasm. “W-what do you mean?” He stuttered. “We ate, walked, and had ice cream.” His unconvincing response earned him a deadpan stare.

 

“Seriously?” Ran asked. “C'mon, just between us. I promise not to tell Onii-chan.”

 

“Swear it?” Ren pressed.

 

Ran grinned. “So something _did_ happen,” she muttered. “Yes, I swear it.” She held out her pinky, and Ren held out his.

 

After shaking on it, Ren took a deep breath. “Alright, well,” he stalled. He shifted his weight before sitting down on the bed. “Haru and I kissed.”

 

The disappointment emanating from Ran was almost tangible. “That's it?” She asked. “You've kissed him before, c'mon. That's not something to keep secret.”

 

“Well, I mean,” Ren looked down at his feet. “We kissed a lot.”

 

“You made out?”

 

“Kind of?” He sighed. “I'm so embarrassed! I got all nervous and backed away while we were kissing.”

 

“Aww,” Ran sat beside her brother and put her arm over his shoulder. “Why were you nervous?”

 

Ren gulped, not sure if he really wanted to tell her his reason. The blush on his face was enough to pique her curiosity, however, and she tightened her grip on him.

 

“You're blushing. What happened? Did he touch you?” Her questions were quick and Ren couldn't escape her.

 

“No,” he replied uncomfortably. “It wasn't like that.”

 

“Then what was it?” Ran's grip grew tighter again, to the point where Ren felt the circulation in his arm cutting off.

 

“H-he used tongue,” he whispered.

 

Ran released him and stared with a grin. “Seriously?!” She snorted. “Good for you!”

 

“I got so nervous, though!” Ren hid his face in his hands in embarrassment. “Haru had his tongue _in my mouth_.”

 

“Yeah!” Ran bounced on the bed. “He must really, _really_ like you. You should be happy!”

 

“But I stopped him! I'm so embarrassed!”

 

“Then next time, don't stop him,” Ran suggested.

 

“Well, about that,” Ren sighed. “I was so nervous that later, I told him we could kiss like that again after three dates.”

 

“So?” Ran cocked her head to the side. “He's obviously ready for it, so if you make it clear that you're ready, there's no problem, right?”

 

“But it made me so nervous, I don't think I am ready!” Ren groaned. “I'm a horrible boyfriend.”

 

“No, you're not,” Ran assured him. “I'm kind of shocked that you're not more receptive to his advances than this, but it's totally okay and I'm sure Haru-chan understands!”

 

“Yeah, but it's still embarrassing, cause you're right. I thought that once Haru was ready, I'd be ready, but I guess I'm not.” The despairing teen sighed. “And to think, I've been dreaming of situations like that for years, and when I finally have the chance to live it...”

 

“If it's three dates,” Ran pondered, “then just plan out your next two dates soon and then you'll be able to tell yourself that it's okay.”

 

“Thinking about it now does make me want to try again,” Ren muttered. “But I bet as soon as things got that far, I'd be scared again.”

 

“Look, stop worrying!” Ran said, smacking her brother on the back a little harder than she intended.

 

“Ow!”

 

“When the time is right, three dates or not, just go with it.”

 

“You sound like you're giving me a pep talk on sex,” Ren grumbled. “It's just kissing.”

 

“If it were 'just' kissing you wouldn't need a pep talk,” Ran winked. “C'mon, let's go see if Onii-chan is done interrogating Haru-chan.”

 

The two siblings ventured out to the dining room, where they had left their older brother and Haruka. When they arrived, they found their brother grasping his head in his hands and flailing about, shouting, “ _Don't tease me like that! My heart can't take it!_ ”

 

“It's your own fault for prying,” Haruka griped.

 

“What happened?” Ren asked, stepping around his brother to stand beside Haruka. “What did you tell Onii-chan?”

 

“He wouldn't stop bothering me so I told him we made love on the beach,” Haruka replied coolly. “That's the answer he was fishing for, whether it was true or not. So that's what I told him.”

 

Ren stared at his boyfriend with his face growing ever redder. He couldn't believe Haruka had just said that with a straight face and not even a hint of a blush. “ _Haru!_ ” He scolded, embarrassed. He turned to his brother, who was being soothed by Ran. “Onii-chan, it's okay, we didn't really... y'know, do _that_.”

 

“You'd better not have!” Makoto muttered ferociously under his breath. He cleared his throat. “Haru, if you know what's good for you you'll stop teasing me about these things.”

 

“I wouldn't have to if you would just trust me a little more,” Haruka argued. “I never lied to you about my past relationship, nor did I hide anything. I know Ren is your little brother, but please have more faith in me.”

 

Makoto looked Haruka straight in the eye and sighed. “You're right,” he said. “I've never had reason to doubt you before. I'm sorry.”

 

“Thanks.” Haruka was visibly relieved.

 

“If you two are done fighting, can we all play a game together?” Ran asked with a grin.

 

“We weren't fighting!” Makoto protested. “We were just... discussing.”

 

“Suuure,” Ran nodded slowly. “So, can we play a game?”

 

“What do you say, Haru?” Makoto's eyes rested gently on his best friend, the way they always had.

 

It brought some comfort to Haruka to see that genuine look again, and know that their argument was already behind them. “Sure,” he shrugged. “What game did you have in mind?”

 

“It's a card game called Apples to Apples,” Ran explained. She ran to her room and grabbed it from her book bag. “My friend lent it to me. I've played it with my friends before and it's lots of fun!”

 

“Oh, really?” Ren peeked over her shoulder at the box.

 

The group sat down at the table while Ran explained the rules and dealt the cards. When the role of judge came around the table to Haruka, Makoto used his trump card, a create-your-own card, to win the round. The green card was “Wonderful” and Makoto made his card “Mackerel.” The laughter that erupted from Haruka's quick decision sent the Tachibana siblings into a fit of laughter that effectively ended the game.

 

“Haru-chan, you're so predictable!” Ran wheezed, wiping a tear from her eye.

 

“Onii-chan that was cheating!” Ren gasped.

 

“It's not cheating! You can't tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing!”

 

Ren attempted to compose himself again. “Yeah, you're right,” he breathed. “Okay, okay, I think I'm done dying now.”

 

“Ren,” Haruka addressed, unamused. “Four dates.”

 

Ren straightened up and pouted. “What? Why?”

 

“I can excuse those two, but you're my boyfriend,” Haruka replied. “You shouldn't laugh at me like that.”

 

“Aww, Haru!” Ren whined. “It's all in good fun!”

 

“What does 'four dates' mean?” Makoto asked.

 

“If you want me to forgive you, then you need to apologize,” Haruka said adamantly.

 

“Alright, alright,” Ren sighed. “I'm sorry.”

 

“Weak,” Haruka rejected.

 

Ren got up from his chair and knelt beside Haruka. Taking Haruka's hands in his, he looked up at him with sad eyes and said, “I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't laugh at you for the things you like.”

 

“What does 'four dates’ mean?” Makoto repeated.

 

Ran patted him on the shoulder. “I'm sure it's nothing,” she assured him, though in her mind she was snickering.

 

“That's better.” Haruka relaxed and ruffled his boyfriend's hair. “Three dates.”

 

Ren smiled and blushed. “I really am sorry about laughing,” he said. “I didn't realize it hurt you so much.”

 

If Haruka were being honest, he wasn't really that hurt by it. He was just tired of being the butt of the joke whenever mackerel came up. Of course, he wasn't about to tell Ren that. He found great satisfaction in the smile that he saw when he went back to the agreed upon three dates. Ren had been nervous about kissing like that before, but Haruka wondered if it would really take three more dates for him to lose those nerves.


	16. Kiss Me Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka and Ren have an at-home date.

Haruka hung up his phone with shaking hands. Stepping out of Makoto's room, he made his way to the dining room, where Ran and Ren were waiting with curious expressions on their faces.

 

“I got the job,” he said, his voice light with elation and disbelief. He had gone on his interview several days prior but had no idea how well it had gone until just now. To say he was relieved was an understatement.

 

Ran stood up from her seat, dropping her breakfast back onto its plate and rushing over to Haruka to grin widely at him while she said, “Congratulations, Haru-chan! I know you'll be great at it!”

 

Haruka smiled genuinely back at her. “Thanks,” he murmured. His eyes wandered across the room to Ren, who was still seated at the table, his untied tie slowly slipping into his lap.

 

“C-congratulations, Haru,” he said, a forced smile on his lips. He looked as though he'd been punched in the gut.

 

“Are you alright?” Ran asked, walking back to feel her twin's forehead.

 

“I'm fine,” Ren grumbled, pushing her away.

 

“No, you're not,” Haruka stated bluntly. “What is it?”

 

Ren pulled his tie the rest of the way down and fiddled with it nervously, avoiding looking up at Haruka and Ran. “This means you and Onii-chan will be moving out soon,” he mumbled. He raised his head, and with tears in his eyes, added more desperately, “it won't be the same without you guys! I don't even mind sharing a room with Ran anymore, I don't want you to go!”

 

Haruka's eyes widened at the teen's heartfelt admission. He thought it would be difficult to say goodbye, sure, but he didn't know Ren was already dreading it so much. It's not like he didn't enjoy living under the same roof as Ren. “I can't stay and take advantage of your parents forever,” Haruka sighed. “Besides, it's a long commute, and-”

 

“I know all that,” Ren sniffled, fighting back his tears. “I know you can't stay forever, but I just wanted you to be able to stay a little longer.”

 

Haruka wrapped his arms around Ren and held him against his chest. “It's not going to be an immediate change,” he promised. “Makoto and I haven't even started looking at apartments yet.” He held Ren a moment longer before he pulled away, his fingers leaving a tingling trail as they slid off of his boyfriend's back. “It's just about time for you two to be leaving now,” he said, taking the tie from Ren and skillfully tying it for him.

 

“Right,” Ren nodded, admiring Haruka's handiwork as he stood up. He hesitated for half a second before throwing his arms around Haruka. “Promise me something, okay?” He requested, his voice muffled in Haruka's shoulder.

 

“What?” Haruka asked, taken aback by the sudden hug.

 

“Before you move out, we'll have our dates,” Ren looked up at his boyfriend beseechingly. He was referring to the dates he required before they could kiss like _that_ again, and he was sure Haruka understood him.

 

Haruka ruffled Ren's hair and smiled at him. “Okay,” he agreed. “I will promise you that.”

 

Ran stepped over to the two men and pouted. “I hate to break up such a touching moment, but we really do have to get moving now.”

 

“Right,” the brunet blushed and let go of his older boyfriend. “Let's talk about it later, okay?”

 

“Sure,” Haruka nodded. He left Ren with a quick kiss before the two students rushed towards the door.

 

With everyone else at work or school, Haruka passed his time by taking a long soak in the tub. He contemplated his situation, both work and personal. His new job, which, admittedly, wasn't his _ideal_ job, but was a job nonetheless and something for his resume for later, was going to have him working as a lifeguard on a private beach. It was a seasonal job, and not one that utilized his college education, rather, it utilized his training from previous summer jobs, but it was certainly going to pay a lot more than the previous jobs. His main concern was the torture he felt having to be so close to the water without being able to go in.

 

And now, he would also feel the pain of being separated from his boyfriend.

 

Haruka sank under the water. Ren... He understood how he felt about moving out and not being in the same house anymore. When he made the arrangements with Makoto's parents to stay with them, he knew he'd get attached to being around the twins, but he hadn't expected his feelings to become what they were. First he'd crushed on Ran, and now he was actually dating Ren. And with his family's blessing, too! Haruka felt an ache in his chest when he thought about it. Was it after school hours yet..?

 

After becoming considerably prune-y, Haruka hefted himself out of the tub with a grunt and sighed. He was already starting to miss Ren, and he hadn't even started the new job yet. Honestly, even though he had secured a job, he wasn't sure if he should be moving out just yet, though this was not just because he missed Ren. He was worried that he might not find a permanent job in time to pay his bills after his seasonal position ended.

 

By the time Ren returned from school (Ran had stayed behind to chat with Momoka-chan), the usually calm and collected Haruka had nearly worked himself into a panic attack.

 

“Haru, I'm home!” The teen called cheerfully from the entryway.

 

Haruka got up from the couch and came to greet him. “Welcome home,” he said softly, planting a quick kiss on his boyfriend's lips. Seeing Ren again sent his worries to the back of his mind. He could talk it over with Makoto later, but for right now, he had exactly what he wanted standing right in front of him.

 

“Ran stayed behind, so it's just us for a little while,” Ren smiled sheepishly, his cheeks lightly pink from being kissed.

 

“Is that so?” Haruka asked rhetorically. He moved to let Ren inside after he'd removed his shoes. “Well, since we're alone, what do you want to do?”

 

Ren shifted nervously. “W-well, maybe we could have a snack together and talk?”

 

“We could do that,” Haruka held back a snort of laughter. Nervous Ren was cute. “Or we could have a date.”

 

“A date?” Ren repeated, his interest piqued. “What did you have in mind?”

 

“I don't know,” Haruka lied. He had all day to think about it, in between his panicking, of course he had several ideas in mind. “If you wanted to go out somewhere, we could go see a movie together,” he suggested. “Or if you'd rather stay in, I'm sure we can come up with something.”

 

“Hmm...” Ren hummed, considering the possibilities. “Let me think about it while I get changed, okay?”

 

“Sure,” Haruka nodded. He watched Ren dash off to change out of his school uniform and smiled to himself. Sometimes, when he thought about their age difference, Haruka felt a little strange about their relationship, but he knew his own intentions and he had the blessing of Ren's family, so he tried not to let it get to him. He knew Ren pretty much since he was born, and he would never do anything to hurt him. His relationship with him now was not something he took lightly.

 

When Ren returned, he was wearing comfortable looking clothing. “Let's stay in,” he decided. “If we're in a movie, we won't really be paying much attention to each other, y'know?”

 

“Sure,” Haruka agreed. Well, they _could_ pay attention to each other, but he did promise to take things slow. “Are you hungry? I can make us a snack.”

 

“Let's make it together,” Ren suggested. “You're not babysitting me anymore, you don't have to do it yourself.”

 

“Alright,” Haruka shrugged. It wasn't that he thought he had to. He didn't mind preparing food for others, and he sort of wanted to spoil Ren a little. But, he wasn't about to object to working together on it. “What are you hungry for?”

 

“Nothing in particular, just something quick,” Ren replied. His stomach growled in agreement. “It's been a while since lunch,” he blushed.

 

After some brief deliberation, Haruka opted to make an omelet for them to share. He didn't want to spoil their appetites for dinner, after all. Setting Ren to work whisking the eggs, he cut up some vegetables and got a little bit of cheese ready. When it came time to do the actual cooking, Ren stood back and watched, admiring the expert way Haruka handled the eggs.

 

“You're a good cook, huh, Haru?” Ren observed, trying hard not to drool as the smell of the eggs hit his nose.

 

“It's just an omelet, they're easy,” Haruka shrugged.

 

“Yeah, but keeping them intact like that takes some skill,” Ren retrieved a plate and utensils as Haruka turned off the stove. “Whenever I make omelets, they always fall apart.”

 

“It just takes practice,” Haruka said, sliding the perfect and delicious looking omelet onto the plate. He made a mental note to teach Ren how to cook before he moved. He hoped from the bottom of his heart that he didn't take after his older brother in the kitchen.

 

The two sat across from each other at the table with the plate placed between them. Neither of them said a whole lot while they ate. Haruka could tell that Ren was pretty hungry, so he let him have most of the omelet, claiming not to be very hungry himself. When they finished, Ren took the dishes into the kitchen and then returned with a smile, stopping beside Haruka and giving him a quick kiss.

 

“That was really tasty,” he commented happily.

 

“The omelet or me?” Haruka asked teasingly.

 

Ren blushed furiously. “I meant the omelet!”

 

“I see.”

 

“Ah, but!” Ren caught himself and added shyly, “Y-you taste good, too.”

 

Haruka grinned. “Is that so?” Standing up, he put one arm around Ren's waist and brought his other hand up to caress the flustered boy's cheek. He waited until Ren calmed down before kissing him. He half expected him to pull away out of nervousness, but he was surprised to feel Ren drawing closer to him. He felt Ren's hands reach around to hold him and he had to restrain himself from taking things too far.

 

“Haru,” Ren breathed, his lips hovering near Haruka's.

 

Haruka waited for him to say something, all the while their lips so close they could feel each other's breath. When Ren moved his arms up around Haruka's neck and pulled him into another kiss, Haruka almost lost it. He pulled Ren closer so that their bodies were touching and he began kissing a trail down Ren's neck. He was aware enough to remember that Ren wasn't ready for tongue, and he was careful not to leave marks, but as he reached the collar of Ren's shirt, Haruka couldn't help but acknowledge his desire for more.

 

“Haru,” Ren whimpered. “Kiss me again.”

 

When Haruka obliged, Ren opened his mouth expectantly. Haruka, though surprised, took the hint and gently introduced his tongue to Ren's mouth. This time, his boyfriend didn't pull back. Instead, he welcomed the feeling, allowing Haruka to explore his mouth without objection. After becoming a little more comfortable with their tongues touching, Ren even entered Haruka's mouth, running his tongue over his teeth and along his palate.

 

Neither of them was sure how long they stayed like that, but it was Haruka who ended it. “So much for the third date,” he teased, brushing Ren's bangs with his fingers and smiling.

 

“So much for taking it slow,” Ren teased back. “I can't believe we just did that.”

 

“I have to admit, you surprised me,” Haruka confessed. “You're usually so nervous about intimate stuff, yet you really got into it this time.”

 

Ren blushed. “I guess I'm just getting more comfortable with it,” he replied meekly. “More comfortable... with you.”

 

Haruka opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.

 

“I'm home!” A cheerful voice called out.

 

Haruka and Ren looked at each other, then jumped away from each other and tried to look innocent. At least they hadn't messed up their clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever reread your old work and just... "Ugh, I could do so much better than this now!!"? Cause that was me rereading this. Anyway, there's only one more chapter to revise before I can start posting totally new content!


	17. Your Heart is Pounding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka and Ren accidentally fall asleep together during their date. When they wake up, everyone else is already home...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the revised chapters. Sort of. I had started on chapter 18 way back in August 2014, so it's about halfway done.

When Ran walked in, she found Haruka and Ren in full blush, their bodies rigid and unnaturally posed. Even though both boys were red-faced, Ren's cheeks were noticeably brighter.

 

“Am I interrupting something?” She asked with a sly grin.

 

“I-I thought you were spending time with Momoka-chan,” Ren stuttered, shifting his weight nervously.

 

“I was,” Ran responded, side-eying her twin. “But she had to go. If you two were counting on me being gone all afternoon,” she added teasingly, “I can leave.”

 

Haruka shrugged. “Do what you want,” he said coolly. “Just be aware that Ren and I are having a stay-in date.”

 

Ren forced himself to smile. He hadn't really wanted to tell Ran that, but since Haruka already brought it up, he nodded in agreement. “That's right,” he told Ran. “We're going to be doing date stuff, so you might not want to hang around here for a little while.”

 

Ran rocked back on her heels and giggled. “Alright, alright, I'll give you your privacy,” she grinned. “But remember, Haru-chan,” she said in mock seriousness, likely imitating her father when he's being stern. “Take it slow!” After that, she stepped around the boys and headed for her bedroom. “I'm just going to get changed, and then I'll be out of your way!” She called.

 

After she was out of earshot, Haruka lowered his head and sighed. “I'm not doing a very good job of keeping my promise to your father, am I?” He muttered.

 

“Don't say that, Haru,” Ren replied calmly. “It's just as much my fault. Besides,” he slipped his hand into Haruka's and gave it a squeeze. “I don't think my dad would really be mad over kissing.”

 

“You don't think he would have been mad if he'd walked in on us instead of Ran?” Haruka questioned.

 

Ren scrunched up his face in thought. “Well, I mean, if he saw us in the act he'd probably get embarrassed and make us stop,” he fidgeted. “But if, say, Ran decided to tease me by telling Dad we were making out, I don't think he'd be mad at you.”

 

“...I see,” Haruka replied quietly. He and Ren waited for Ran to leave, then moved over to the couch to sit together.

 

“So,” Ren asked nervously. “What do you want to do?”

 

Haruka thought for a moment. “All I can think of is a movie,” he suggested. “Unless you had another idea.”

 

“Earlier, I wasn't so sure, but now I think a movie sounds good,” Ren smiled sheepishly. He hadn't wanted to see one before because theaters weren't conducive to conversation, but if they were at home watching one, there was nothing to stop them from interrupting the movie as much as they wanted. And, maybe not just for conversational purposes. “So, which one?”

 

The two skimmed through the Tachibana family's DVD collection, finally settling on an old rom-com Ren's mom had gotten from one of her friends. They weren't particularly intrigued by the summary of it, but it seemed like a fitting genre, and they weren't reaching a decision on anything else anyway.

 

After setting up the TV, Ren snuggled against Haruka on the couch, his head coming to rest on Haruka's shoulder. His heart was beating quickly, but he didn't feel the need to back off. This type of closeness felt natural now, almost like he belonged there at Haruka's side. He couldn't help but notice, however, that Haruka was still behaving stiffly.

 

“Haru, are you okay?” Ren asked, looking up at him.

 

Haruka glanced at Ren's concerned face and nodded. “I'm fine,” he answered. “Why?”

 

“You don't feel comfortable,” Ren replied bluntly.

 

“You don't have to lean on me if you don't want to,” Haruka responded shortly.

 

“That's not what I mean!” Ren blurted. “I mean... well, it's like you're trying too hard not to move or something.”

 

Haruka sighed. He finally tore his gaze from the cliché first meeting scene unfolding in the movie to look at Ren properly. “I'm just trying to keep things 'slow.'”

 

“Haaaruuu,” Ren whined. “I thought we'd just talked about that. I really don't think my dad is going to be mad about anything we've done.”

 

“It's not what we've already done,” Haruka blushed, averting his gaze. “It's what I want to do when I'm close to you like this.”

 

Ren stared for a moment, his embarrassment glowing red on his face. “I want to do those kinds of things, too, y'know,” he said quietly. “But that doesn't mean we _have_ to do them.”

 

Haruka looked at him again. He was looking up at him with a bright blush and pouting eyes. With both of them ignoring the movie completely, Haruka leaned in and gave his boyfriend a soft kiss.

 

“Haru,” Ren said with a grin when their lips parted. He didn't allow the hesitant adult to respond before wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling himself up to kiss him again.

 

Haruka's heart beat faster. He hadn't meant that as an invitation; he had done it because Ren's pouting face was just too cute. But he couldn't object to Ren, not with how happy it made him to be like this. He put one hand on Ren's cheek and the other on his waist, drawing in closer as their kisses became more passionate. He pushed down his desire for more, only allowing his hands to move to the back of Ren's head and the small of his back.

 

But he couldn't push down Ren's desires- the teen swung himself around to straddle Haruka's lap, his hands coming to rest on his well-muscled chest. “Haru,” he practically whimpered.

 

“Oi, Ren,” Haruka put a finger over Ren's lips.

 

“What's wrong?” Ren breathed.

 

“This,” Haruka gestured with his eyes to how Ren was positioned on him. “This is too much.”

 

“But Haru,” Ren pouted. “It's hardly anything!”

 

“It's too much,” Haruka repeated. His face began to flush as he shifted his legs under Ren.

 

Ren looked down between them. “Oh,” he gulped. He knew he was getting aroused, but he could see that Haruka was, too, and he understood. “You really do mean to take things slowly, even when we're both into it?”

 

“I promised,” Haruka replied without looking at Ren. He was almost afraid to look at him. He thought if he saw that pouting face again, he might give in.

 

“Then, answer me this,” Ren said, moving to sit beside Haruka, who visibly relaxed once they weren't so close anymore. “How do you know when it's been long enough that this kind of thing is okay?”

 

Haruka blinked. “I...” He hadn't really asked himself that. Until recently, he thought he was safe from having to worry about it, since they weren't supposed to start kissing so intensely until after their third date. But it was a good question, and one he didn't really have an answer to. “I don't know.”

 

“Well then,” Ren sighed. “Think about it, okay? It's nice to finally not be so nervous around you, but if you're going to keep cutting things off, well, it makes me feel like I've done something wrong.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Haruka apologized. “You haven't done anything wrong. It's just,” he paused. “It's been a while since I've done this kind of thing with anyone, so I guess I'm hyper sensitive, and I don't want to lose my self-control.”

 

Ren sat silent. He figured that he wasn't Haruka's first for any of this, and it wouldn't surprise him if Haruka had done much more than this. But thinking that, in all the years he's pined for him, aching to be more than just his best friend's little brother to him, Haruka had been with others, made him a little jealous.

 

“Ren?”

 

“Huh?” Ren snapped out of his thoughts. “Oh, right. Well, it's not like I've ever done any of this before, so I guess I just lost control a little bit. But, y'know, was it... was it good?”

 

Haruka smiled and even let out a small chuckle. “You saw what it did to me, you know I was enjoying it.”

 

“Yeah,” Ren blushed. That's right- it didn't matter who Haruka had been with before. He was with him now. “Haru?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Can we just shut the movie off and cuddle?” Ren asked. “Is that acceptable?”

 

Haruka's smile grew. “Sure,” he replied, reaching for the remote and pressing the power button. He then laid back on the couch and allowed Ren to lie on top of him, his face resting on his chest and his arms wrapped around him.

 

“Your heart is pounding,” Ren commented.

 

Haruka's arms wrapped around Ren. “Isn't yours?”

 

“Yup.”

 

Haruka rolled onto his side, trapping Ren between himself and the back of the couch. With their arms around each other and their legs entwined, he pressed his face into Ren's hair and kissed the top of his head. It took some restraint to stop things there, but eventually he closed his eyes and felt Ren nestling against him, his face buried against his neck. The smell of Ren's hair was somehow comforting to him, and before he could stop himself, he began to fall asleep.

 

It wasn't until Haruka smelled food that he began to stir again. Without opening his eyes, he could smell dinner cooking, and he heard people talking.

 

“Shh, gently, or you'll wake them up!” Ran was whispering harshly.

 

There was the sound of dishes clacking together, followed by the dull thuds of each one being placed around the table.

 

“Isn't it about time they woke up anyway?” Makoto asked. “Dinner's almost ready.”

 

“Yeah, but they look so peaceful,” Ran responded quietly.

 

Haruka swallowed hard. It was almost dinner time already? Did that mean everyone was home? Everyone had seen them? Daring to open his eyes, he found that he was still lying on the couch with a sleeping Ren in his arms. Someone had laid a blanket over them.

 

“Isn't anyone going to wake up the sleepy-heads?” That was... Ren's father. Haruka froze. He didn't sound mad. If he had been mad, he would have woken them up and scolded them, wouldn't he? But a knot still formed in Haruka's stomach at the thought of facing him after being caught like this with Ren.

 

“Mm,” Ren mumbled something and began to wriggle around in Haruka's arms.

 

Haruka took a deep breath before giving in and making moves to get up. “Hey, wake up,” he said softly, stroking Ren's arm.

 

“Huh? Haru..?” Ren blinked the sleep from his eyes, slowly returning to the waking world. “How long were we asleep?”

 

“It's almost time to eat,” Haruka replied. He tossed the blanket off of them and sat up on the edge of the couch, then stretched his arms before trying to stand. The arm that was under Ren tingled painfully as the blood flow returned to it.

 

“Huh, really? Is everyone home, then?!” Ren sat up startlingly fast, his eyes wide open.

 

“Yeah,” Haruka muttered.

 

“Well, it's about time you two woke up!” Makoto exclaimed cheerfully. “Imagine my surprise when I came home and Ran was shushing me and leading me over to see you two all snuggled up together.”

 

“Sorry,” Haruka said quietly. “I didn't mean to fall asleep.”

 

Ren stepped between him and Makoto. “Onii-chan, don't be mad at Haru, cuddling was my idea!”

 

“I'm not mad,” Makoto replied, his brows wrinkling together. “I was surprised, though.”

 

“You're not mad?” Ren repeated. He would have looked relieved had his father not appeared from behind Makoto.

 

“Well, look who woke up,” he said casually.

 

Ren's face turned pink, and behind him, Haruka's went white.

 

“What's the matter?” Ren's father asked.

 

Haruka stepped out from behind Ren and bowed, saying, “I'm sorry! I promised to take things slowly, and then to be caught in a position like that after only dating for such a short time-”

 

“Hey, hey, calm down,” the bespectacled man grinned awkwardly. “I know that's what I said, and I appreciate you taking your responsibility so seriously, but I can see that you two are serious about each other. I know what it's like to be young, with all those hormones and stuff,” his face went a little red. “I just didn't want you two rushing into anything without thinking first. So, I guess what I'm saying is, just think things through first, and take your time.”

 

“Dad,” Ren whimpered. With tears in his eyes, he gave his dad a big hug. “You're the best dad in the entire world!”

 

Haruka couldn't help but feel as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “I promise I'll take good care of him,” he said, a smile on his face.

 

Ren jumped from his dad to Haruka. “Haru,” he cried happily, his voice muffled in Haruka's shoulder. “I love you!”

 

“I...” Haruka's voice caught in his throat. He wouldn't allow himself to say something he didn't mean, not when it was this important. Thinking carefully for a moment before responding, he asked himself what he truly felt for Ren.


	18. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka comes to understand his true feelings for Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter with totally unseen before content. I'm going to try hard to wrap this story up soon, but I want to do it in a way that's worthwhile, so please stick with me even if it takes a little while to get the new chapters up! School is back in session so it won't be an every week update, but I'll try not to go too long in between.

“I love you!” Those words echoed in Haruka's ears. At that time, Ran came in to announce that dinner was ready, and he didn't have a chance to reply. It was now just two days before he started his new job, and not a single day had gone by that he didn't think about how he would have responded, and how he would respond now. Ren hadn't brought it up; he never asked for a reply. And he hadn't said it again since. Haruka wondered if Ren was afraid to know the answer.

 

But, in the time since, Haruka had reached a conclusion. His feelings for Ren... he truly felt that he loved him. He had always had a certain familial type of love for him, but not this. This was different. This was the ache in his chest when Ren was at school all day. This was the pounding of his heart when they kissed in the hall as soon as he came home. This was a longing for these days of togetherness to last forever. This was...

 

“Haru!” Ren called, bursting through the door. It was Saturday, and he had just returned from club activities.

 

Haruka stood up from the couch and quickly went to Ren, his heart fluttering before he kissed him tenderly. “Welcome home,” he smiled.

 

“Aww, no fair,” Ran grumbled. “I want to be greeted like that when I come home!”

 

“Too bad for you, Momoka-chan doesn't live here,” Ren teased. His words hadn't hurt Ran, but his face fell and he regretted them almost instantly.

 

“What's wrong with you?” Ran asked.

 

“Haru won't be living here much longer,” he replied, his voice so quiet and sorrowful that Haruka instinctively put his arms around him.

 

“Don't cry,” he begged.

 

“I-I'm not crying!” Ren insisted. “I mean, you don't have an official move-out date yet, so...”

 

Haruka sighed. “Makoto and I are going to look at apartments tomorrow,” he told him gently. “That's not a guarantee that we'll find one we can afford, but, it's something.” It had been decided days ago, but Haruka hadn't had it in him to tell Ren because he knew how it would make him feel.

 

“Haru,” now Ren really did seem to be fighting back tears. “I was hoping we could spend your last day before your job going out together!”

 

“I'm sorry,” Haruka apologized. “We'll go out another time. After I start getting paid, maybe I can afford to take you better places.”

 

“I don't care about that,” Ren sniffled. “I just want to spend time with you.”

 

“Hey, cheer up,” Ran put her hand on her brother's shoulder. “Once Haru-chan and Onii-chan get an apartment together, Haru-chan should have his own bedroom, and you two might finally have some privacy!”

 

“ _Ran!_ ” Ren grumbled. “Don't be so embarrassing!” It may have been an embarrassing thing for her to say, but it had irritated Ren enough that he stopped crying.

 

“What?” Ran asked innocently. “I know you're just _dying_ to have some alone time with Haru-chan.”

 

“Shut up!” Ren blushed. “Haru, don't listen to her, I'm fine going at the pace we've been going!”

 

Haruka replied with a kiss, silencing Ren and calming him down again.

 

“Alright, I'm out of here,” Ran announced, sliding her feet into her slippers and making for her bedroom. “Have fun making out among the shoes.”

 

Haruka ignored her and took Ren by the hand. “Are you hungry?” He asked softly.

 

Ren intertwined their fingers and shook his head. “Not really,” he mumbled, walking slowly beside his boyfriend in the general direction of the kitchen. “I just want to be near you.”

 

Haruka's cheeks tinged pink. He wanted to be near Ren, too. But he knew Ren was usually hungry around this time, so it surprised him that he wasn't today. “Are you feeling well?”

 

“As well as I can be, when all I can think about is how you and Onii-chan will be leaving soon,” Ren sniffled.

 

Stopping, Haruka brought his eyes up to meet Ren's. “Ren,” he murmured. “Is it really bothering you that much?”

 

“I'm gonna miss you so much,” Ren replied through quivering lips.

 

“It's not like we're breaking up when I move out,” Haruka assured him. “Don't let your health suffer just because we won't get to see each other every day.”

 

“Haru,” Ren squeezed his hand before letting it go. “Realistically, what are the odds that we'll stay together long-term?”

 

Haruka stared, his mind trying to process the words he'd just heard. “Wha..?”

 

“Once we're not together all the time,” Ren choked, his voice cracking. “What do we have to keep us a couple?”

 

“I don't think I understand.” Haruka reached for Ren's hand again, hoping to comfort him, but Ren drew his arm to his side and closed his hand into a fist. “Ren...” His behavior was baffling to Haruka, whose mind was racing to think of something- anything- to say to assure him, but all he could do was stare and listen.

 

“I'm just entering high school while you're off starting your real life,” Ren cried. “We're in two totally different parts of our lives. I don't swim and you don't like TV, and we don't share any main interests, so what's going to keep us together?”

 

It was a good question, and one Haruka had never asked himself before. He had never needed to. He knew that he liked Ren, and he wanted to be around him, and be with him, and those feelings grew into love. What more reason did he need to stay with him? Whether those feelings would last forever, he couldn't foresee, but he knew that, now, he was happiest with Ren. He wanted to put these thoughts and feelings into words, but lacked the ability to do so. All he could do was stare helplessly as his boyfriend fell apart in front of him.

 

“Once you're gone it's only a matter of time, isn't it?” Tears were streaming down Ren's face. “I mean, you'll start making important connections, and what would they think if they found out you were not only dating a guy, but a high schooler?”

 

“I don't care what others think,” Haruka muttered, clenching his fist. “I like you for you, Ren, not just because we live together, but because it's you. All of this... everything we've done together, all of our dates and affection... just what do you think that all was?”

 

“I don't know,” Ren croaked, his voice hoarse. “I guess I just thought, maybe someday you'd wake up and realize that you don't need me, or you'd meet someone else and find something with them that you don't have with me. I guess I thought, maybe I was just convenient.”

 

“You know I would never date you just because it was convenient,” Haruka said sharply. “You know that I would have ended it by now if I wasn't taking this relationship seriously.”

 

Ren couldn't meet Haruka's eyes. He looked at the ground, shrinking back from Haruka's words.

 

“What put those ideas in your head?” Haruka asked, his tone softening. “You've never once talked this way before.”

 

“I know,” Ren mumbled. “I'm sorry. It's just something I started to think about recently, and I let my mind run wild with those thoughts.”

 

“Ren,” Haruka took the young man's head in his hands. “Look at me.”

 

Ren turned his tear-filled eyes to him. “Sorry,” he said again.

 

“Ren,” Haruka kissed him softly. “I love you.”

 

As he rode the train with Makoto, Haruka’s mind replayed his confession over and over. He had hoped to make it a little more romantic, but in the moment, it seemed like the best thing to do. He closed his eyes and watched in his mind the expression Ren made just before he collapsed into his arms, his eyes wet with tears, crying, “I love you, too, Haru!”

 

“It sounds like we’ll be looking at three apartments today,” Makoto told him, looking at an email on his phone. “It looks like the more convenient they are to our jobs, the farther they are from home, though.”

 

“That’s to be expected,” Haruka sighed. He braced himself as the train came to a stop.

 

“Well, here we are,” Makoto smiled. “The agent is supposed to be picking us up here. I hope it’s not too difficult to find her.”

 

Haruka stepped out onto the platform and looked across to the faces waiting near the back of the crowd. “Found her,” he said, walking over without hesitation.

 

“Eh? How can you be sure?” Makoto asked. He followed Haruka up to the young woman and received his answer- she was holding a sign with her company logo on it.

 

The first apartment she showed them was perfect for what they needed and the most conveniently located, but it was way out of their price range. The second apartment was quickly shot down when Haruka found out that there wasn’t a bathtub and that he’d have to use the nearby public bath. The third apartment, while small, did have two bedrooms, a bath, and a kitchen, though it was a little out of the way. Still, as Haruka and Makoto sat down to dinner, the discussion of it left them both with a positive feeling.

 

Though it was late when they returned home, Ran and Ren were both still up waiting for them. “Welcome home!” They called in unison, rushing to greet the two as they came in the door.

 

“Well, how’d it go?” Ran questioned, not even allowing them time to catch a breath before demanding the details.

 

“Did you find a place..?” Ren asked.

 

“Maybe,” Makoto replied. “There is one place that stood out. We’re still deciding, though.”

 

“Oh, really?” Ran pouted. “Somehow, it feels more real now.”

 

Ren nodded his agreement. “Too real.”

 

“C’mon now, don’t be like that,” Makoto fretted. “Haru and I have done a lot today, and we both have work tomorrow. Don’t make us go to bed feeling guilty about it.”

 

“I’m going for a bath,” Haruka announced. He stopped in front of Ren and left him with a goodnight kiss before he went.

 

Work was… _exceedingly_ boring. Since it was still just a little too early for swimming at the resort, Haruka’s job was to take additional training sponsored by his new employer. That would be his first week, then in his second he’d be brought to the resort for orientation and finally, on the weekend, the resort would open and he would start his real job.

 

Every day after work, Haruka would pass the commute time texting Ren. Since they didn’t see much of each other now, it was the best way to keep up with each other. He learned that Ren’s grades were improving, and that his favorite show was wrapping up its third season this week, and how the cherry blossoms at school were almost all gone from a big rain storm. And he told Ren about work, and the city, and how the resort was. The one thing he couldn’t tell him over text was that he and Makoto decided to take the apartment, and had already signed the lease.

 

“I’m home,” he called, walking in and taking off his jacket. He wondered as he took off his shoes if that was really the right thing to say. How long had he been saying it?

 

“Welcome back!” Ren grinned at him. “Onii-chan just got out of the bath if you wanted to use it.”

 

Haruka and Makoto’s schedules didn’t exactly match up- usually Makoto had to leave earlier than Haruka, and Haruka would come back later than Makoto. “Thanks,” he said, his arms slipping around the high school student. As he pulled him in close, he whispered in his ear, “I need to tell you something.”

 

“What is it?” Ren asked, his head resting on Haruka’s shoulder.

 

“Makoto and I signed the lease for that apartment.” He felt Ren’s grip on him tighten. “We can move in in a couple of weeks.”

 

“So soon?” Ren asked.

 

Haruka allowed him to pull away. “We actually signed it a while ago, I just,” he hesitated. “I couldn’t find the right time to tell you. I didn’t want to just say it over text.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but-“

 

“N-no, it’s fine,” Ren shook his head. “I know this is a good thing for you and Onii-chan. I’m just being selfish, wanting you to stay here. Just… just promise me you’ll come visit, and that I can come stay with you sometimes, okay?”

 

“Of course,” Haruka smiled. He ruffled Ren’s hair before taking his head in his hands and leaving a series of little pecks on his lips. “You’ll be welcome any time.”


End file.
